


by the time you wake, i'll be brave

by rooneywrites



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, POV Alternating, Recreational Drug Use, Slow Burn, always third person but the focus switches, assorted other characters throughout but i tagged the mains, it's very casual and not a big deal but just in case, josie is conflicted, lizzie is lizzie, never anything explicit but definitely a little spice once in a while, penelope is a fuckboy with feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:42:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 38,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25195615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rooneywrites/pseuds/rooneywrites
Summary: josie is a college student who meets one penelope park at a party. it turns out, there is no stronger dislike than the one rooted in denial.(or: josie is loyal, penelope buries her emotions, and they definitely do not ever think about kissing one another.)
Relationships: Penelope Park/Josie Saltzman
Comments: 201
Kudos: 460





	1. PT. I ➵ josie saltzman

**Author's Note:**

> title and part names from the song "[i will](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODPra5VxNLI)" by mistki!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PT. I - no one needs to know they're there (i will hold them for you)  
> ↳ _autumn._

If there was anything to be said for frat houses, it was that they had sturdy floors. Josie stared down, half-drunk and unimpressed, at two men wrestling on the ground. The one man’s bright red wig had fallen off, revealing the slicked-back blonde underneath. He grinned brightly before he was kneed in the ribs by the other man. A crowd surrounded the two, no one sure whether this was a proper fight or just some drunken ritual of masculinity. Either way, the other guests were recording every moment of it. Josie shook her head and turned away, stepping over a clown nose as she left the room.

Although she hadn’t come to this party with high expectations, it was still managing to disappoint. If they’d been on time, maybe things would have been different. Getting drunk along with the group was ideal; trying to catch up after they’d been going for an hour and a half was impossible. She couldn’t laugh along with their nonsensical jokes, couldn’t cheer on the brawlers, couldn’t keep herself from wondering why she bothered to get all dressed up just for some handsome idiot to spill his beer all over her.

Lizzie had insisted they wear matching costumes and Josie obliged. The pair were dressed in Hogwarts uniforms, with ties for their respective houses. Lizzie had misplaced hers earlier that day and a meltdown had ensued. Josie, ever the de-escalator, had gone on a hunt all over town to find a replacement. She finally found one at 10 pm in the next town over. As soon as she got home, the first thing she did was help her sister with her tie. It took another half hour to fully dress. As an apology for her breakdown, Lizzie styled Josie’s hair while she applied her makeup. Lizzie was no good at apologizing out loud, so she thanked her for the braids as confirmation that she was forgiven.

Now it was midnight and Lizzie was nowhere to be found. _(So much for being a duo, Josie thought.)_ She wandered down the stairs and into the living room, half-looking for Lizzie and half-looking for something to do. College parties were always dull to Josie, but her sister loved them. There was never a moment without a fight or someone propositioning her. Unfortunately, Josie didn’t love being the object of random people’s affection, nor was she interested in watching business majors give each other bloody noses. This was _not_ her scene.

She made her way to a table shoved against a wall. It had a cheesy spider web cover soaked with spilled booze. Josie grabbed a plastic cup and picked up a bottle at random, pouring some for herself. She took a sip and read at the label, grimacing. Of _course_ the frat kids would just toss a vintage vermouth on a table next to a 30 pack of Bud Light and $7 vodka.

As she sipped her drink, someone approached the table next to her. She glanced to her side and saw a Slytherin tie. Josie perked up and turned toward Lizzie, ready to ask her how her night was going, before being stopped in her tracks. Unless her sister had shrunk six inches and dyed her hair brown since arriving at the party, this girl was not her twin.

"Uh, hi?" the girl said, eyebrows raised in amusement.

Josie fumbled over her words, trying to come up with an explanation that would alleviate the embarrassment. When none came to her, she found herself saying, "You're not Lizzie."

The woman laughed. "Definitely not." 

"I'm sorry,” Josie babbled. “You're just wearing the same costume as my sister."

"Now it looks like we coordinated this," The girl winked, reaching in front of Josie and grabbing the bottle of vermouth off the table. "Jesus, leave it to the rich kids to set daddy's vintage out at a party."

"That's what I said!"

The girl raised her eyebrows. Josie noticed her eyes in the dim light; they were a strange green. She realized she was staring and looked away.

"You're a true ally of the proletariat, huh?" The girl took a sip of her drink.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Josie blushed.

"Dude, you're so rich. Not sure you should be mocking your beautiful little bourgeoisie buddies."

"What makes you think I'm rich?" Josie exclaimed.

"For one, you go to Silver Oaks. No one whose family makes under 500k a year goes there." Josie opened her mouth to argue, so the girl added, "Hyperbole, sweetheart. Two, you're _Josie fucking Saltzman_."

Josie furrowed her brow. "Have we met before?"

"No, but I'd have to be living under a rock to not know who you are. You're pretty much a D-list celebrity in Virginia. C-list if you're only talking central Virginia."

"Gee, thanks." Josie rolled her eyes. 

The girl held out her hand. "Penelope Park. I go to Northview Tech."

Josie stared quizzically but returned the handshake. "What are you doing at a Sigma Zeta party?"

Penelope smirked. "Poor kids run out of beer so quickly on Halloween. You guys have an endless supply. And vermouth!" She drank the rest of her cup, beaming.

"So you're a booze leech?" Josie scoffed.

"Guilty," Penelope winked. "Not opposed to meeting pretty rich girls either, though."

Josie blushed but tried to hide it by looking away and groaning. "Well, you certainly know how to charm them."

Penelope stepped in closer, locking eyes with Josie. "I'm quite well known for my ability to _charm_ around here. Especially with girls. Sometimes I can charm them three times in a row."

Josie widened her eyes, feeling her face grow hot. She tried to stand up straighter to offset the awkwardness but fumbled; the drinks were catching up with her and the heels did little to support her balance. She cleared her throat, hoping Penelope hadn’t noticed. "Do you always flirt with thinly veiled euphemisms?"

Penelope grinned. "Only when they’re Hufflepuffs.”

“I highly doubt you’re gonna have much success with _this_ Hufflepuff,” Josie said, rolling her eyes.

“Eh, a girl can try,” Penelope shrugged. 

"Penelope?"

Josie froze when she heard the voice behind her. Penelope took a step back and simpered over her shoulder, eyes cold. "Hello, Lizzie."

Josie turned to face her sister and looked back and forth between the two. "You guys know each other?"

"We've met," Lizzie spat. "I can’t say I hoped we would ever again, and yet," she gestured around, "here we are!"

" _And_ we match." Penelope smirked. Lizzie looked down at her costume, expression souring. "Come on, Lizzie. Relax. Have a drink," Penelope said, holding out a cup. Lizzie jumped back.

"Did you seriously think I'd fall for that? I am _never_ getting near you and a drink again! God Penelope, I'm not stupid!" Lizzie huffed and grabbed Josie's arm. "Come on, Josie. We're leaving." She looked at Penelope apologetically as Lizzie pulled her out of the room. Penelope waved as they left the room, a small smile on her face before disappearing into the crowd.

As they made their way to the exit, Josie saw the blonde boy from earlier. He held the ratty red wig as he stumbled into the kitchen, his left eye swelled to hell. A girl dressed as a ringmaster shook her head and opened the freezer, tossing him an ice pack. The clown gave a proud grin and held it to his eye as the girl lectured him. Although she couldn’t hear the exchange, Josie knew how it went. She’d given the same speech to Lizzie a thousand times.

~~~ 

"So, what was that all about?" Josie asked, scooching closer to her sister as they lay on Lizzie’s twin bed.

"What was what about?" Lizzie glanced over at her.

"The whole thing with that Penelope girl."

Lizzie groaned. "Ugh, she is the _worst_. I met her a few months ago when I went and saw MG over at Northview. Apparently, they're friends or something because she came up to him and started asking him questions about their sociology class or whatever. So, I told her not to interrupt me when we were _clearly_ having a conversation. She said sorry and then five minutes later spilled her coffee _all over_ my brand new jacket! You know the one, right? That pink Prada?"

"The one that you gave to the Goodwill?"

"That's the one!” Lizzie nodded. Silence followed until she added, “God, mom was so pissed at me after that."

Josie furrowed her brow. "Well, you did give away a $2,000 coat she got you for our birthday."

"It was unwearable, Jo! Besides, it was a tax write-off. No harm, no foul." Lizzie sighed. "Look, the point is that you need to stay away from Penelope and her clumsy little macchiato-holding hands."

Josie chuckled. "Is this the part where you tell me she's dangerous?"

"She's not dangerous _yet_. I mean if she'll murder a $2,000 jacket, who's to say a human isn't next?"

"Right, because we all know a human life is only worth two grand," Josie laughed, rolling her eyes. Lizzie returned the smile.

"Some serial killers start with animals, some start with luxury outerwear." Lizzie shrugged and closed her eyes. "I'm serious though, Josie. She's bad news. Trust me on this."

Josie stared up at the ceiling. Since Lizzie was really drilling this into her head, she must be genuinely concerned that she might try something with Penelope. However, there were no feelings there, nor would there ever be. They'd barely spoken and the conversation had already turned unpleasant in-between Pen’s flirtation. To be frank, Josie didn’t think she could handle another minute around Penelope. She was just so arrogant and rude and honest and suave and her eyes were the most fantastic shade of green and she was cocky but not too cocky, just to the degree that it was charming, and her eyebrows were absolutely perfect-

 _Get a hold of yourself! Not every pretty girl deserves your attention_ , Josie reminded herself. Penelope had hurt her one way or another, and Lizzie always came first. _Always_. Besides, once in a while her sister was right about people. She wasn’t a very rational person, nor was she a great judge of character, but she had no reason to doubt Lizzie’s assessment of the girl. She could not and would not ever betray her like that; it was impossible to even imagine.

Lizzie was her entire world and no pair of green eyes could ever get in the way of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! this is my first work in the fandom so i'm very new to this. i hope i've managed to and can continue to capture these characters accurately, because they are just so interesting and fun to write. huge shoutout to a wonderful supporter of mine, without whom this fic would not be possible <3
> 
> the next chapter will be up on the 21st, so look forward to that! thank you again for reading and i hope you've enjoyed!


	2. ➵ penelope park

_It should be mandatory for businesses to dim lights on Sunday mornings_ , Penelope thought to herself as she pushed open the gas station door. The bell jingled, making her cringe. She pushed her sunglasses up and made her way over to the coffee stand, giving a small wave to the cashier.

Penelope picked up the largest styrofoam cup from the stack and toyed with it as she read what roasts were available. After a moment, she gave up and walked over to the cappuccino dispenser. She pressed the button and winced as the machine whirred to life, filling her cup. As she turned to get a lid, she noticed the girl from the party on the other side of the counter.

"Hufflepuff?" Penelope's voice was hoarse. Josie looked up and widened her eyes.

"Are you stalking me?" she asked.

Penelope scoffed. “I promise I have more important things to do than follow you around."

"But I thought you went to Northview. You're like 30 minutes away from home."

"Wow, I can't believe _the_ Josie Saltzman remembered where I'm from! Truly, I'm honored." She pointed at her cheek. "Look at that, I'm blushing." When Josie didn't reply, she added, "I slept over at the host's place." She took a sip of her drink.

Josie didn't look up as she poured coffee into a reusable cup. "Over or with?"

Penelope choked on her drink, a few drops falling down her chin. When she stopped sputtering, she said, "Christ, slut-shame much?"

Josie gave a small smile, clearly proud of the reaction, as she screwed the lid back on to her cup. "Okay, fair point. Sorry."

"And for your information, no, I did not sleep with him. At least not this time,” Penelope winked as she put a sleeve on her cup. Josie stared at her as she did so. “What?”

Josie shook her head. “Nothing. Those cups are just really bad for the environment.”

“Sorry we don’t all have the foresight to bring a HydroFlask to a frat party,” Penelope said, shrugging in a fake apology. “Nor do we bring a makeup tote and paint our faces at 8 am, as I’m assuming you did.”

Josie squinted. "Not that it's any of your business, but I went home last night. I do not, in fact, bring everything I own to parties. Also, there's nothing wrong with taking pride in your appearance," she smiled.

“Is that what you call that whole look?” Penelope actually thought Josie looked very pretty but tried not to show it. Besides, who gave enough of a fuck to put together an outfit to go to the gas station mid-hangover? (Weirdos, that’s who.) Maybe that was just another bizarre rich kid trait; you grow up looking perfect all of the time and then can’t fathom being seen any other way. 

“Are you sure you want to be the one bringing up ‘looks?’ You know, glass houses and whatnot,” Josie muttered. If Penelope had been a less confident person, those words might have made her feel self-conscious. She still wore her Slytherin costume with a random men’s jacket hanging over it. Mascara was smudged all around her eyes but was hidden beneath the sunglasses she’d taken from the man’s house. Her lipstick, on the other hand, wasn’t so easily masked. She hadn’t yet combed through her hair, instead opting to cover it with the jacket’s hood.

“Points for honesty,” Penelope said, turning away before Josie could respond. She walked up to the counter, grabbed a protein bar from a display, and set the items down. The cashier raised his eyebrows at her as he scanned the items. She figured he must have been eavesdropping on their conversation, so she hoped she’d at least put on a fun show.

“That’ll be $4.79,” the cashier said. Penelope pulled out a $5 bill and set it on the counter, grabbing her items.

“Keep the change,” she said, turning away and walking outside. The bright morning sun made her cringe. Penelope adjusted her sunglasses and took a sip of her drink. From her pocket, she pulled out a vape pen and leaned against the brick of the building, taking a hit. She held it in as long as she could before slowly exhaling. The bell jingled and she looked over to her left, seeing Josie leave the store. They noticed one another at the same moment.

“You realize you’re leaning on both a ‘no loitering’ sign _and_ a ‘no smoking’ sign, right?” Josie grumbled. Penelope leaned forward and looked behind her, seeing the signs. She chuckled.

“Wow, I feel like such a rebel," Penelope grinned. She felt Josie's eyes on her and glanced over. Penelope made a face before asking, "What?"

Josie shook her head and pointed. "Sorry, nothing. I was just noticing your sunglasses. Lizzie used to have a pair like those when we were kids; I’ve been trying to find some like those forever. Where did you get them?"

"Don’t remember," Penelope lied. She hadn't actually looked at them before putting them on but figured it wasn't a great idea to admit she'd lifted random items from the party. She shrugged and took another hit of the vape before offering it to Josie, who scrunched her face in disgust.

“No thanks. I’d rather not get addicted to nicotine at this point in my life.”

Penelope made a surprised face. “What? Nicotine? No way, that shit is terrible for you. This is a dab pen.”

Josie shook her head, appearing to be at a loss. “How is that any better?”

“Can’t get addicted to it,” Penelope said, shrugging. “Only heavily dependent.”

“How is that any different?”

“Hey man, I charge for psychology tutoring. No freebies.” Penelope hit the pen again and looked over at Josie. She was holding her travel mug and a liter of coconut water.

“It’s full of electrolytes. Lizzie needs it for her hangovers,” Josie explained. She must have noticed Penelope staring.

“She can’t just drink coffee and suffer like the rest of us?”

“Evidently not,” Josie mumbled, grabbing keys from her pocket. “I need to get going. I’d offer you a ride home, but I think I’d rather get hit by a bus than sit in an enclosed space with you for half an hour.”

Penelope gave a smile that she intended to be venomous, but must have come off as friendly by the slight guilt she saw on Josie’s face. “No worries. My friend is gonna be here to pick me up any minute now,” she said. “Also, the feeling is 100% mutual.” 

Josie pursed her lips and gave a curt nod, walking away to her car. Penelope didn’t bother to wave as she drove away.

A few minutes later, a car pulled up in front of her. She recognized it immediately as MG's; no one else in a 100-mile radius would take the time to hand wax their 2006 Nissan Altima. The car was his pride and joy, and if anything was ever said about it, he would immediately launch into a long story about all of the odd jobs he'd done to buy it as a teen. He'd at one point even shelled out the money for a custom paint job on it, opting for a bright green that shot up his insurance rates. Penelope had always felt that it was a stupid idea since the thing was likely to give out any day, but two years later she wasn't sure it could die. MG raised his hand as if about to honk, but hesitated when Penelope gave him the best glare she could muster. She strolled over and climbed into the passenger seat.

"Rough night?" MG asked, pulling out of the parking space.

"Fine night. Rough morning," Penelope said, switching off the radio.

"Hey! I was listening to that," MG whined.

"Dude, my head is about to explode. I really cannot withstand 80s hits right now."

MG looked at her sympathetically as he pulled out of the parking lot. He gestured towards the glove compartment. "I have some Tylenol in there if you need it."

Penelope smiled and grabbed the bottle, washing a few down with her coffee. "How are you always so prepared?"

"Somebody has to be the mom friend. It may as well be me." When they hit a red light, she noticed him staring, wide-eyed and confused.

Penelope froze. "What? Do I have a bug on me or something? If there's a spider on me I swear to God I will jump out of this car right now."

MG quickly shook his head and turned his attention back to the road. "No, you're fine. I'm just...pretty sure you're wearing $400 sunglasses right now."

Penelope took them off of her face and looked down in horror. There it was, on the side: _Dolce & Gabbana_. She groaned and put her head in her hands. "Fuuuuck. Okay, will you turn around please?"

"Why?" MG asked, already doing it.

"I need you to take me to the Sigma Zeta house again. It's only like two minutes away."

He gave her a look but didn't press any further. She stared out the window until they got there, sipping her coffee. When he pulled up in front, Penelope opened the door and got out. She made her way up the steps, cringing at the sunlight she was now exposed to. When she made it to the porch, she opened up the small mailbox on the wall and gently set the sunglasses inside. She considered leaving the coat she'd taken too, but decided it was her fee for gracing the party with her presence. Once she made her way back to the car, she put the hood down and ran a hand through her hair. When it got stuck, she tugged a little harder. 

MG cleared his throat. "I, uh, think you have something stuck in there."

Penelope reached her other hand up and felt around the tangle. Her fingers found cold metal. She put her hand on her ear and upon finding nothing, confirmed what the knot was: the intricate hoop she’d fallen asleep in. As MG pulled out of the driveway, she put her head in her hands and let out a muffled scream.

~~~

"MG, are you _fucking kidding me_?"

He put the scissors down and raised his hands apologetically. "I'm sorry, I thought I could do it!"

Penelope stared at her reflection in the hand mirror, horrified. The earring was completely and irreparably lodged. There was no way to get it out without hours of delicate detangling that she really didn't have the time or drive to deal with. MG had assured her he'd cut hair before and could totally get it out without messing anything up. That had been the first mistake. The second was when he made the initial cut _much_ shorter than intended. He'd said it was no problem and that he'd just even up the area. ("No one will even notice!") Twenty minutes later, Penelope’s hair was four inches shorter and as blunt as a haircut could get. She took a deep breath.

“Get your keys,” she said, trying to keep her tone even so as not to scare MG. However, she could feel his nervous energy radiating.

“Aye aye, captain.” He ran off and grabbed his things. Penelope stood and walked over to the door of MG’s room, taking a beanie off the table. Luckily for MG, her hangover had subsided for the most part, so she was unlikely to murder him for this. When he reappeared, she forced a smile and tried to seem calm. She opened the door and gestured him out first.

Once they were in the car, MG turned to look at her. “You know, it’s really not that bad.”

Penelope groaned. “Please don’t lie to make me feel better.”

MG pursed his lips and pulled out of the lot. “Okay, yeah, it looks pretty bad. I’m sorry, I really thought I could do it. I wasn’t lying when I said I’d cut hair before. It was just...that I did it with clippers. On my little nephew.”

Penelope laughed. Her anger had faded and now she was just amazed that he’d been able to fuck up _this badly_. “In what universe does shaving a four-year-old’s head translate to cosmetology experience?”

“I don’t know! I didn’t think it would be that hard. It looks so easy in videos.”

“Well duh! Those are professionals doing it. Speaking of which, turn left up here. The salon’s on Bankhurst by the Chinese restaurant.”

MG winced as he merged into the turn lane. “You’re getting your haircut at a strip mall?”

Penelope made a face of fake offense. “How dare you? Bradley is a miracle worker. I hardly even notice the ants on the mirrors; he’s just that good.”

MG laughed as they approached the shops. “Will you at least let me pay for half of it? It’s my fault it looks so bad.”

She shook her head. “A. The haircut is only $15, so I’ve got it. B. You drive me around all of the time, which has certainly racked up more than $7.50 worth of gas. Consider it my payment for your Uber services. Even Steven.” Penelope climbed out of the car and looked back at MG. “I’m probably gonna be, like, 45 minutes. You can come in if you want.” He shrugged.

“Eh, I’ll just stay in the car. I’m kinda working on something right now and need the aux to do it.”

Penelope rolled her eyes. “Jesus, are you _still_ working on that playlist for Lizzie Saltzman?”

“Yes, and she’s gonna love it when I’m done!”

Penelope unzipped her coat. “You know, I actually saw her at that party last night.”

“No way! Did she mention me?”

“The second she saw me she left so uh, no.” MG hung his head in disappointment.

“Was her sister there too?” He asked. Penelope stiffened for a moment and gave a simple ‘uh-huh’ in response. Before he could question any further, she waved goodbye and shut the door.

When she was sat in the salon, she noticed a car that looked like the one Josie had left in. She held her breath as the driver climbed out; it was just some random old lady. She stared ahead into the mirror and, despite her best efforts, couldn’t quite explain to herself the disappointment weighing down on her chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! i had so much fun writing this chapter; penelope and josie's banter is god-tier so trying to emulate it was a great time! also MG is an angel boy whom i love :')
> 
> the next chapter will be up on the 31st, so look forward to that! thank you so much, and i hope you all enjoyed <3


	3. ➵ josie saltzman

The common room was outdated and disarming. On the outside, there were beautiful brick walls with rows of hand-selected shrubbery growing flush against it. A few of the front windows boasted stained glass, handmade by ceramics students at the college in 1908. The exterior screamed old money, so walking inside and being met with an 80s software developer’s dream home was disorienting. No one expects to see a flamingo-shaped neon sign over a historic fireplace.

Coincidentally, it _was_ designed by someone who fit that same description. In 1983, students in the textiles department were tasked with reupholstering one of the dorm facilities' common rooms. The project was headed by a professor who, after making a few good investments in IBM, quit his job to pursue a new life in Italy. Before he did, he made sure that his mark was left on the school: he and all of the students in his class decorated the furniture in neons and gaudy patterns. At the time it seemed sleek and modern, but within a few years, the style had become obsolete. By now, it was downright bizarre. Perhaps in a different setting, it could have been passed off as ironic or comedic, but in this institution, there was no place for either. The furniture remained only because the previous Dean had insisted upon it. The student who had done most of the print work was close to him, so he left it there out of nostalgia. Josie and Lizzie had told the story a million times while giving potential students tours. They strategically left out that the student had gone on to become the Dean’s wife in an unsettling turn of events. Josie figured it didn't bode well for the school to tell the kids that they too might someday marry the Dean and immortalize their work.

Josie's father was determined to put an end to the furniture’s perpetuity. The previous Dean had passed a year earlier when the twins were freshmen, leaving the job up in the air. Their father had been a professor at the college for 15 years and was the head of several faculty boards, so the job was given to him for as long as he wanted it. Josie had never been able to envision her father in such an authoritative role, but he seemed to love the work. He'd allowed the interior design students to rework the entire room but was still trying to secure some sort of funding to ensure they could hone their skills. Unfortunately, it's difficult to write a grant proposal requesting money so that your wealthy students might have furniture that better aligns with their aesthetic. Lizzie had gotten heated about the topic more than once ("Just because we're richer than them doesn't mean we should have to live like them!") and had begun organizing fundraisers for alumni. Though she wouldn't admit it, Josie knew that she was more suited to the task. Nobody can come to the fundraiser if you spend so long planning it that it never happens. However, Lizzie loved nothing more than to dream about outlandish parties and Josie couldn't take that away from her.

Josie readjusted herself on the bay window ledge. A willow tree loomed in the front yard, its yellowed leaves littering the sidewalk. No matter how many maintenance workers came by to blow the leaves away, the entrance was always yellow again by the evening. Now that the first proper frost had hit, the branches were exposed. Josie wondered when the first snow would hit, burying the leaves until spring rolled around again. She checked the time and sighed, readjusting her bag. _2:48_. Her one class for the day had been canceled, and the possibilities that came with an open schedule stressed her out. She needed something concrete to do with her time, or else she grew anxious. Lizzie always chastised her for being too rigid when it came to plans, but Josie couldn’t float by in the world and let new experiences find her. Whenever a spontaneous adventure came up, she felt the familiar urge to itinerize. It swelled under her chest, squeezing like a too-tight shirt she could never remove. She checked the time again, hoping the hours had somehow passed. _2:49_.

Lizzie was in class and had another lined up afterward, so making plans with her was a no-go. She had yet again changed her major, switching from Art History to Women’s and Gender Studies. Before that, she’d tried her hand at Psychology and Political Science, to no avail. She’d also auditioned for both the acting and dance programs, and the meltdowns that had ensued when she wasn’t accepted had been some of her most explosive to date. Josie wished Lizzie would just declare her major as undecided, since she clearly was, but Lizzie was convinced every single time that _this_ was what she was meant to do. She wanted to have some evidence of her newfound calling, even if it was just a slip of paper denoting her major. Lizzie wouldn’t get many more chances at switching; the only reason she’d gotten this many was because she knew how to work the advisers into believing her.

A group of students came shuffling into the common room, chattering and laughing. Josie spotted Kaleb walking in, talking to a friend of his. Upon seeing him, she knew exactly what she was going to do with her day.

“Hey Kaleb,” she said, making her way over to him. He smiled at her and said goodbye to his friend who walked off, joining the other members of the team. Kaleb was one of the few students who were granted scholarships to attend the school. He wasn’t poor by any means, but Penelope had made a good point the other day: if you weren’t exorbitantly wealthy, Silver Oaks wouldn’t be your college destination. Kaleb had been granted a full ride for his athletics, but given the school’s relatively unknown status in the world of college football, he had almost declined. However, because the school looked great on a resumé, he enrolled and chose to double major in Dance and History. This made him even more of a rarity amongst the spoiled and academically unconcerned student body.

“Hey,” he said, adjusting his backpack. “What can I do for ya?”

 _Right. Straight to the point_. “You’re from Lyle Heights, right?”

Kaleb gave her a confused look. “Yeah. I mean, I didn’t grow up there or anything, but I went to school there and stuff.”

“Did you know a girl named Penelope Park?” Josie tried to sound as detached as possible, but judging from Kaleb’s expression, she had failed.

“Yeah, of course. Everyone knows her over there. Why?”

Josie shrugged. “Just curious. Lizzie apparently hates her, so I’m just trying to figure out if anyone else does.” 

She conveniently left out that the two of them had met at a party, flirted, and were now on bad terms. As soon as Lizzie told her what Penelope had done, Josie had resolved to dislike the girl. When they met in the gas station, she put as much effort as possible into hating Penelope. It had surprised Josie how easy it was to make her staged disdain into something real. There wasn’t much _to_ like about her, Josie had found. She was cocky and, without the aid of alcohol, Josie struggled to find it attractive. She was rude and callous in the things she said. She had no regard for rules or standards. She was just so easy to hate (as long as Josie ignored the compliments and looks and the entire West Side Story, star-crossed lovers vibe they could have.)

Kaleb raised an eyebrow at her. “I don’t have any issues with her personally, but if you want a list of complaints I’ve heard about Penelope, we’re gonna have to sit down somewhere.”

“Gosh, that many?” Josie checked the time again. She had around three hours before Lizzie was done with classes for the day; hopefully that was enough time for what sounded like a novel’s worth of stories about Penelope. “How about we grab some lunch? My treat.”

Kaleb laughed. “I can cover my own food, Josie.”

“Oh, no! I wasn’t implying that- I mean- I just-”

“Hey, I’m kidding. I’m not gonna turn down free food. Chill,” he said, smiling. “You don’t have to walk on eggshells around me just because I’m not a multi-millionaire.”

Josie laughed and started walking out into the courtyard, Kaleb at her side. "Maybe it's less that you're not as rich as me and more that you're a huge football-soccer-dance triple-threat athlete."

"Aww, thank you for actually considering dance to be athletic," he said as he opened the door and gestured her out. She gave a polite nod and walked ahead.

"So, where to?"

~~~

In the hour and a half she had eaten and chatted with Kaleb, Josie had learned the following about Penelope Park:

1\. She broke hearts indiscriminately and often with joy. Her most recent foray into romance had been with a divorced man who had gone to Northview a couple years prior. The guy was always a little creepy to the girls at the college, so no one had known what to make of her sudden interest in him. As it turned out, she had been stringing him along the entire time just to execute an elaborate public breakup she'd had planned from the start. It involved a coffee shop on campus, an excessively hot strawberry danish, and the man's ex-wife. Needless to say, he had sworn off of college girls for the time being.

2\. She had once punched a quarterback at a party for implying that women just couldn't fight as well as men. To her credit, she had broken the guy's nose and he'd had to sit out the next two games. Him being replaced by another player had ended the team's five-game losing streak, so no one in the school had complained _too_ much about the fight. Most people stuck to the standard bitch-based insults and let it go. The guy’s parents had wanted him to press charges, but he had chosen not to. The rumor was that she’d blackmailed him into it, but no one knew anything concrete.

3\. More than a few people had lost innocuous belongings following parties that she attended. Normally this would be no cause for concern; when you have thirty strangers in your house, people are bound to take a thing or two. Most people locked up or hid their valuables and the problem was resolved. Lately though, random things had only seemed to disappear if Penelope made an appearance. Some of the things that had gone missing were: t-shirts, spoons, scissors, paperweights, and on one occasion a curtain rod. Whether or not they were taken by her was unclear, but they had been there before she arrived and were gone when she’d left.

Upon hearing the last story, the image of Penelope outside of the gas station had come back to her. She remembered the sunglasses Penelope had been wearing and realized for the first time how unlikely it was that she had acquired designer sunglasses through legitimate means. Josie added this to the list of reasons why she could never let Penelope anywhere near her; she couldn’t stand to lose any of her belongings. She wasn’t as materialistic as Lizzie, but still valued the things she owned. Josie had always had a sentimental streak; she collected small souvenirs from places she visited, kept all of her concert tickets, and still had most of the birthday cards she’d gotten in her life in a box under her bed. The idea of losing any of those things made her sad in a way she couldn’t explain. It was a tiny, gnawing emptiness somewhere in her stomach. Not a life-ending, consuming empty, but the kind that would hit you at random moments, sharp and thin like a needle to the gut. 

The idea of Penelope gave her the same pin-cushion feeling in her abdomen. It wasn’t so much a sense that something was missing, but that something new and unwelcome was burrowing its way into her. Penelope was less of a person than an idea to Josie and that was dangerous. It made Josie more susceptible to influences about her, whether positive or negative, so she couldn’t get a grip on the situation. She couldn’t stand not being able to think for herself on this, and as such was desperately trying to file Penelope away into the “no good, don’t even think about it” section of her brain. Josie was adept at denial, at shoving her thoughts so far down that they couldn’t resurface. She prided herself on her obedience, her loyalty, her absolute devotion to anyone and anything that wasn’t herself. To fear that she may be wrong about listening to her sister was to betray both of them, and she couldn’t stand to do it. 

She couldn’t reconcile her instincts and her reason, her love for her sister and her desire to become her own person, her wants and her needs. She _wanted_ to let this all go and go back to the way things were. She _needed_ to figure out who Penelope was and what that meant. The horrible Penelope she wanted to believe existed and the arrogant but honest Penelope she had met were not the same person. The disconnect made her resent Penelope even more. Plus, if Josie had no clue what she was doing, what hope did Lizzie have? She guided Lizzie through every single day of her life. A compass always pointing close to but not _quite_ north was no good at its job. It was the sort you put up with for as long as you could but soon replaced with one that actually worked. Josie looked at the ground and couldn’t tell which direction she was pointing.

Her phone alarm beeped, alerting her that Lizzie would be done with class in 15 minutes. She knew she needed to go and see her. She knew she wanted to go for a car ride and be alone.

Josie dug the keys out of her pocket and headed to the parking lot, situated northwest of the dormitories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! every time i write josie things get so angsty and emo and i _love it_. she's just so emotionally repressed and conflicted; it's really fun to write and explore.
> 
> i really hope you enjoyed!!! expect chapter 4 to be up on the 11th. i'll catch you guys then <3


	4. ➵ penelope park

“How about 10 bucks?”

MG rolled his eyes. “Penelope, I’m not gonna help you stalk someone.”

“It’s not stalking, MG! God, I’m just trying to have a conversation with her, and you’re my best bet at figuring out how.” Penelope groaned, sitting up from her spot on the library’s couch and looking over at him. He sat in front of a computer, resting his chin in his hand. She had come up to him twenty minutes earlier and scrolled through her phone until he was finished with his work. It was a familiar routine; he didn’t even have to tell her to wait anymore. She just knew to sit down and be quiet until he took his headphones off.

“How does trying to find out a stranger’s address not count as stalking?” he asked.

“Dude, I did not ask for her address!” Penelope exclaimed. When a couple heads turned to look at her, she lowered her voice. “I’m just trying to figure out how to find her.”

“You realize that’s still fucking creepy, right?” MG laughed. “Why do you want to talk to her so bad anyway? Did she make that much of an impression at the party or whatever?”

Penelope huffed. “ _Pfft_ , hardly. She wasn’t all that impressive.” She knew that was a lie, but her brand was to be thoroughly unfazed by everything. No point in breaking it now.

“Oh my God, did you sleep with her?” MG whispered, incredulous.

“Holy shit, _no_! Oh my God, why would you assume that?” Penelope considered what she had said. “Okay, yeah, that did sound like a euphemism. I can see it. But no, absolutely not. We ran into each other again at the gas station the other day.”

“Like when I picked you up?”

“Yeah, you showed up right after she left.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? I could have said hi.”

Penelope looked down at her hands, chipping off her nail polish absentmindedly. “Yeah, well, it wasn’t exactly going well.”

“How are you already on bad terms with her? She’s so easy to get along with.” MG tilted his head in confusion.

“I don’t know! I thought things were fine but then when I saw her again she was being all bitchy to me. You know how I am,” Penelope sighed.

“Right, matching her energy.” MG nodded. “I still don’t get why she’d be like that to you. She’s usually really chill.”

She looked at him directly. “MG, am I unlikeable?” When he was silent for a moment she threw her hands in the air. “Fuck, I totally am.”

“No!” MG blurted out. “No, you aren’t unlikable. You’re just different from most people. They don’t get you or the way you are and assume you’re shitty when they can’t figure you out.”

Penelope furrowed her brow. “Is that why you’re my only friend?”

“Pen, come on. Don’t get all self-pitying on me,” MG chuckled, looking at her kindly. “I’m just your only friend with a car. That’s why I’m #1.”

“Oh, shut up. You’re my friend because you’re moderately cool and a good counter to my bad personality.” After a moment, she added, “The car is a nice bonus, though.”

“See?” MG laughed. “Okay, look, as long as you promise not to fight her, I’ll get you a meeting with Josie.”

Penelope shot up in her seat but quickly made an effort to hide her enthusiasm. “You make it sound like a business venture.”

“It’s a _‘your business’_ venture, so I guess it counts,” MG said, grinning at his stupid joke. Penelope gave an exaggerated groan but smiled back.

“Do you still want the 10 bucks?”

“Yes please,” MG said, holding out his hand.

~~~

Penelope pulled her hair back and fastened her earrings. They were tiny studs her grandmother had gifted her years earlier, and the only legitimate diamonds she owned. She wasn't eager to wear hoops again for a while.

"Okay…" she muttered to herself, smoothing out her shirt. "It's gonna be fine. You're just gonna go in there, ask her what's going on, get answers, and leave. No fights, no arguments, no problems. It's all good."

MG told her that Lizzie was coming to see him tonight. ("Why? So you can do her homework again?" "Look, she really needs help in geometry!") He asked Lizzie to bring Josie too so that they could all hang out. 

MG had known both of them for a long time; he grew up going to the same school and was always hanging around Lizzie. He'd once shown Penelope a photo from his 9th birthday party, sitting with both twins on either side of him. They all wore birthday hats and had frosting on their cheeks, grinning brightly. The pure childhood joy was a stark contrast to the soulless gold embellishments on the table and the gaudy chandelier in the back of the shot. He'd told Penelope once that his parents had been pushing him to attend Silver Oaks for his entire life; everyone in his family had graduated from there and it was tradition. When MG told them he wanted to study chemistry at Northview, they'd all nearly had heart attacks. His parents were still bitter about the choice he'd made, as if choosing his interests over an expensive lifestyle was a direct attack on their parenting.

Penelope's advisors in high school had all told her to consider applying to Silver Oaks. They seemed to believe she had a real chance at getting in; she did well on her SATs and boasted a 3.8 GPA, plus the school had an excellent sociology program. Penelope replied that she'd rather be pecked to death by chickens than hang out in the land of gentrification and boba tea. It had worked out rather well since Kaleb had gotten in anyways. He was just as successful academically as she was, but actually had extracurricular activities on his application. Penelope's extracurriculars at the time had been huffing from whipped cream cans and seeing how many pennies she could stack in a tower before they fell. (The answer? 57, not once but twice. She deemed it her _magnum opus_.)

She grabbed her purse off the hook by her door and gave herself a final once-over. After determining that she looked good (quite good, in fact) she made her way into the busy dorm hall. It was 6 pm on a Friday night, so everyone was on their way out to something or other. Penelope would usually be one of them, finding some group of vague friends to accompany to a party. Tonight, she just walked straight to the common room and ignored the urge to sip from the emergency flask in her bag.

When she made it to the common room, she spotted MG right away. The twins' backs were to her as she and MG locked eyes. She gave a small smile and made her way over. Lizzie was the first to turn around and notice her.

"Jesus Christ, what is _she_ doing here?" Lizzie hissed to MG.

"Hey, I go to this school too," Penelope smiled, plopping down in a chair and setting her purse on the floor. Lizzie looked disgusted that their bags were within three feet of each other and picked hers up off the floor, setting it on the couch. "Sorry I don't just evaporate into thin air the second you walk in."

"Maybe you could try it sometime," Josie said sweetly. Lizzie grinned at her in a uniquely twin way, conspiratorial. MG tried to laugh it off, but his face gave away the discomfort he felt at being caught up in this. Penelope gave him a sympathetic half-smile. He cleared his throat.

"Hey, come on. Can't we all just be civil here?”

“ _Civil?_ ” Lizzie gasped. “She ruined my jacket! How is that civil?”

“Yeah, like a year and a half ago. Can’t we just let bygones be bygones?” MG pleaded, sitting back in his seat.

“Yeah, Lizzie. Can’t we just let bygones be bygones?” Penelope parroted in a decidedly less kind tone. In her peripheral, she saw Josie staring at her and smirked. Josie looked away and _oh my God, is she blushing?_

Lizzie was still saying something about the stupid fucking jacket but Penelope couldn’t focus on any of it. She just stared at Josie and noticed how perfect her curls were, the way they fell loosely on her shoulders, and how the brown contrasted against the yellow of her sweater and she had to stop herself from reaching out to touch it. Penelope looked at MG with pleading eyes but wasn’t sure what she wanted from him. _Leave us alone_ or _get me out of here_ or _please punch me in the face and knock some sense into me_.

MG must have interpreted her look as the first, because once Lizzie quieted he said, “Hey, come on. Let’s just look over your work or whatever and calm down, okay?” He stood and reached out a hand to help her up but she just scoffed at him.

“And leave my sister with _that?_ ” Lizzie said, gesturing toward her. Penelope scrunched her nose up and smiled, proud to be the recipient of such disdain. She tried to ignore the gnawing stress of how Josie might reply, but a million possibilities flooded her thoughts. What if Josie agreed and left, leaving Penelope with all of her questions? Or worse, _what if she didn't_?

"Lizzie, I'll be fine. Trust me," Josie said, keeping her eyes fixed on her sister's. After a moment, Lizzie relented and grabbed her bag.

"Just make sure you put away all of your decent belongings," Lizzie snarled. Penelope saw something like a realization flash on Josie's face before Lizzie added, "You never know when she might be feeling a little _clumsy_ with her drinks." The look on Josie's face gave way to her usual, somewhat empty smile. She nodded at her sister as she and MG turned away.

Penelope felt the tension inside of her chest pull tighter. It was strange how when she finally got what she'd been hoping for, she wished that she had been disappointed instead. The disappointment was much easier to deal with and lock away than this conversation she now needed to have. She readjusted herself in her seat.

"So is there a reason you magically showed up when Lizzie and I arrived?" Josie asked. Her posture had relaxed ever so slightly, but she still exuded seriousness.

"Eh, maybe. Who can say?" Penelope smirked.

"If I didn't know better, I'd guess you blackmailed MG into inviting us over," Josie said, shrugging in false innocence.

"Ooh, clever girl," Penelope laughed. "No blackmail here though."

"A trade, then? I don't see your little sunglasses anymore."

Penelope's face fell for a moment. She understood what Josie was implying, but didn't know how to remedy it. She cleared her throat and spoke with a bravado. "It's fucking night time, why would I bring them with me?"

"Oh, I don't know. Seems a little irresponsible to just leave them _lying around_. You never know who might stumble upon them and decide they'd like to keep them," Josie said, squinting.

"Borrowing isn't a crime. Especially if you return the thing, _as I did_."

Josie gave a small huff of a laugh and looked away. “Right. Got it.”

There was an awkward silence between the two. Penelope figured someone must have filled Josie in on all of the rumors that floated around about her. She knew people always talked about her and it generally didn’t bother her, but knowing that her notoriety had spread 25 miles away was an odd feeling. Penelope remembered what her brother had always said when she was a kid. _All publicity is good publicity_.

Okay, yeah, fuck it. This was definitely an emergency flask situation. She grabbed her purse and took the container out. Penelope looked left and right, making sure no one was watching, before taking a swig. She cringed at the cheap burn but was grateful for the warmth that spread to her stomach. She looked over at Josie and offered the flask.

“It’s no vintage vermouth, but it’s better than nothing.”

Josie reached out to take it but hesitated. “How do I know you aren’t trying to poison me or something?”

Penelope laughed. “You literally just saw me drink from it. It’s a little too early in our acquaintanceship for a suicide pact.”

Josie gave a genuine laugh and took the flask. She sipped from it and coughed, giggling. “That’s _horrible!_ ”

“Eh. Beggars can’t be choosers,” Penelope shrugged. When Josie’s smile fell a little, Penelope realized she’d been staring. She cleared her throat and stood up. “I’m gonna step outside so I can… y’know,” Penelope held up her dab pen. “You’re welcome to join.” _Okay, way too familiar_. “Or whatever. Do what you want.” She intentionally left the flask in Josie’s hands as she walked out of the building. Josie followed soon after and sat next to her on top of a picnic table. Penelope tried to hide the little smile that came with Josie’s presence.

“Gosh, aren’t you cold?” Josie asked. “It’s like 40 degrees out.”

Penelope shrugged and took a hit off of the pen, holding in the smoke. “I’m fine,” she said, exhaling after a moment. Her fingers were starting to go a little numb from the chill.

“You’re shivering,” Josie stated simply. She shrugged off her sweater and offered it to Penelope, who raised her eyebrows in response.

“Are you sure about that? You might never get it back.” Penelope had been trying to make a joke, but Josie looked at her apologetically.

“I’m sorry for that,” Josie said, giving her a sympathetic smile.

“Hey, no worries. I mean, it’s not like you were wrong.” Penelope took the sweater, careful with the fabric as if her touch could unravel the whole thing. She slipped it on and shuddered, relieved by the warmth. She messed with the sleeves, trying to figure out what material it was and how it was so soft.

“No, I mean I’m sorry for the way that I’ve been.” Josie took another swig from the flask. “I know I’ve been kinda awful to you.”

“You’re not the first person to have hated me, Josie. Really, don’t feel bad about it.”

“But I don’t _actually_ hate you. I mean, I keep trying to, but it’s not real. I don’t think.”

Penelope looked at her in confusion but nodded regardless. “Is it a Lizzie thing?”

“That’s definitely a part of it,” Josie sighed. “It’s just…complicated. I don’t know how to explain it. I _want_ to hate you. I really, really do. But I don’t.”

Penelope grinned. “You’ll get there someday, I’m sure. I can be more of a bitch if that would help. Ruin this sweater, call Lizzie something shitty, uh… Fuck, I don’t know, burn down a hospital. I’m sure that would garner at least a few hate points. Maybe I could-”

The reason why Penelope couldn’t talk anymore took a minute to register in her head. Her eyes widened as she realized what was happening. _Holy shit. Josie fucking Saltzman is kissing me_. Before she could even properly react, Josie had pulled away. She stared at the ground, looking as confused as Penelope felt. Penelope tried several times to say something, but each time no words came out. After the fifth try, she just sighed and took out her dab pen. Josie grabbed the flask at the same moment and they smoked and drank in unison. A few moments later, Josie cleared her throat.

“We should probably go back inside,” Josie said. She still wouldn’t look at Penelope.

“Yeah,” Penelope agreed, cringing at how high-pitched and weak her voice sounded. She coughed into her elbow and spoke again. “Yeah, we should.”

Josie finally looked over at her and their eyes met. Penelope noticed the flush on Josie’s cheeks but didn’t know if it was from the embarrassment or the cold. She glanced down at her lips and noticed the tiny specks of glitter in her gloss.

_I’m so fucked_.

Their lips met again, and it was the most desperate kiss Penelope had ever had. All things considered, it was perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! finally getting to break some of the tension is _so satisfying_ , i love it. hopefully you loved it as well! <3
> 
> i am super excited for the next chapter as it will be something a little different from the prior chapters, so look forward to that on the 21st! thank you again, ily all :~)


	5. ➵ interlude (this scar is permanent)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title for the chapter taken from "[pin](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwavkax8o3U)" by grimes! this song was a huge inspiration for me while writing these two, so i decided to give it a little shout-out both in the title and the fic itself!
> 
> (DISCLAIMER: please don't ever give/receive a stick n poke tattoo in a random parking lot. safety first, y'all!)

Josie stared into the box under Penelope's bed.

"So this is it," Penelope said, gesturing down at the mismatched belongings. "My treasure hoard."

Kaleb's list of items Penelope had stolen ( _borrowed,_ she insisted) was close, but not exhaustive. There were shirts from random tourist locations, sewing scissors, plastic pencil sharpeners, and bulk packages of temporary tattoos all sitting on top of the pile. Josie recognized the tattoos as being from a 4th of July party earlier that year; everyone who'd been invited got one on their hand.

"Why take all of this?" Josie asked. The horror of Penelope's kleptomania had long since faded and was now replaced with confusion for Josie.

Penelope just shrugged. "Never know when you're gonna need something and not have it."

"Spoken like a true future hoarder," Josie said, smiling. She wondered if something had happened to Penelope that made her feel the need to stockpile random items, but she didn’t voice that concern.

"It's possible," Penelope laughed as she knelt down next to the bin. She dug through it for a minute before finding what she wanted. Penelope stood and held the item behind her back, grinning at Josie. "Hands out, eyes closed."

Josie scrunched her face up in worry but obeyed. "If you put something gross in my hands, I'm jumping out of the window."

Penelope said nothing in response, but Josie felt the item being placed in her hands. She opened her eyes and saw a slim wooden case, no more than 6 inches in length. Penelope gestured for Josie to open it after a moment. When she did, there was a beautiful silver pen inside. She picked it up and felt its weight in her hand.

"It's really nice," Penelope explained. "I looked it up and it was like, a $30 pen. It writes super well too. So, uh, yeah! It's yours. If you want it, I mean."

"A pen from Pen," Josie said softly. Penelope beamed at her and nodded.

"Exactly."

Penelope stared at Josie with absolute adoration. Josie swallowed hard, trying to dispel the nausea pooling in her gut.

❀

"You smell kinda like Lizzie," MG muttered, shifting on the couch next to Penelope. She looked at her hands and tried desperately to come up with an excuse or a distraction or _anything_ to avoid this conversation.

"Why do you know what Lizzie smells like?" Penelope forced out a laugh.

"I don't know!" MG exclaimed. "Her perfume is just distinctive. I'm pretty sure she and Josie get them custom made."

"Ooh, bougie." Penelope chipped away at her nail polish, recognizing the bad habit but not ceasing. "And here I am, stuck wearing whatever samples make their way to me."

"At least whatever one you have right now smells fancy," MG shrugged. Penelope looked at him and tried to smile, but felt her lips twitch a little. He returned the smile but avoided her eyes before looking back at his computer. Her gaze lingered a moment longer and she swore she could see him tucking the memory away. For the first time, she found herself wishing he was a less observant person.

❀

"Okay, so you pour out the amount of ink you're gonna need," Penelope demonstrated, India ink pooling in an old soda cap. While Penelope focused on the cap, she forgot about the full bottle she’d set aside. It started to slide down the hood of the car and Josie gasped, grabbing the bottle just before it fell on the concrete. She sighed in relief that the container hadn’t shattered, but a good deal of the ink had spilled nonetheless. Her hands were dark and dripping, ink sliding between her fingers and dripping onto the car. The light from the parking lot shone a ring of white on the slick black surface, shifting as the ink slid down the hood. Josie heard Penelope laughing behind her and turned around, holding her hands up in horror.

"Don't worry! It’s not gonna stain, I promise. It comes off with water. Here," Penelope said, grabbing her water bottle and pouring some out. She reached out and took Josie's hand, wiping away the ink that was left over with the remaining water. "Ta-da."

"Thank you," Josie said with a smile. Penelope returned the grin, her hands lingering a moment longer. When she pulled away, she grabbed the flask that rested between them and took a drink. She offered it to Josie, who obliged and took a swig.

"So, the ink is ready. Now we grab our little tool," Penelope picked up a pen with three needles taped to it. "And disinfect the spot that’s gonna get poked. Then, you just go for it."

"What if I mess it up?" Josie asked, voice shaky.

Penelope waved her hand in dismissal. "Eh, I believe in you. Besides, it's not like it's gonna be in a spot anyone will see."

_But what if someday you don't want the reminder of me?_ Josie wondered, but left the thought unsaid. Instead, she took a deep breath and grabbed the tool from Penelope's hands.

"Don't push too hard, okay? You're gonna feel a little springy pop, and that's when you know to stop pressing. Then you just move on. It's really easy once you get the hang of it." Penelope took off her left shoe and sock, exposing her ankle. She handed Josie the little cap full of ink as she poured some of the alcohol onto a rag. Penelope rubbed the spot to disinfect it and Josie took the opportunity to steel her nerves. She cleared her throat.

"So, what design do you want?" Josie asked, trying to sound professional and calm.

"I don't know, whatever feels right to you. It can be the same as one of my other ones if you want something to go off of. Triangles and squares are pretty easy if you wanna try that, but I’m fine with whatever. Surprise me."

Josie nodded and took another deep breath before dipping the needles into the ink. She sighed and steadied her hand, moving the tool towards Penelope's ankle. With apprehension, she poked her first dots.

❀

"Are you mad at me?" Lizzie asked as the pair laid together on Josie's bed. Josie turned to look at her as best she could.

"Why would I be mad at you?" she muttered sympathetically.

"I don't know. You just aren't around as much anymore. Sometimes I wake up at night and you're gone, and I don't know where you went." Lizzie’s voice sounded small and worried, making guilt flood through Josie’s body.

"I'm sorry, Lizzie," Josie said, trying to fight the lump that sprung up in her throat at seeing her sister so hurt. "I just… Okay, don't be mad." She felt Lizzie tense beside her and said a silent prayer. "I'm seeing someone."

Lizzie perked up. "Oh my god, what? Who? Tell me everything!"

Josie sighed and tried to think of a way to tell the truth without being too honest. Lizzie was a walking lie detector when it came to her, and she wasn't prepared to deal with the disappointment (and possibly more) that would come with the whole truth. "She goes to a different school, kinda far from here."

"Ooh, mysterious," Lizzie giggled. "Can I meet her sometime?"

Josie shook her head. "Not any time soon, probably. She's...pretty private." _Okay, yeah, that one might have been an actual lie._

"Well, can I at least know her name or see a picture or something?" Lizzie said, confused. Josie shook her head again, unable to speak. "Ugh, my sister has a girlfriend and I don't even get to know anything about her? This is blasphemy," Lizzie groaned.

"She's not my girlfriend! It's nothing serious like that; she's just fun and sweet and being around her makes me feel... different. Like I can just exist and not have to worry about everything all the time.” Josie cleared her throat loudly, trying to draw attention away from her words. “But it's definitely not anything permanent. She's just a person I spend time around, but I know it’ll be over soon. No point in meeting her when you're never gonna see her again," Josie said, trying to smile.

Lizzie yawned and closed her eyes. "Okay, fine, keep your secrets. As long as it's not _Penelope Park_ or someone equally awful," she said, disgusted, "I really don't care."

"Ew, never!" Josie forced a laugh that came out sounding way too enthusiastic. Lizzie started laughing too, so Josie assumed she hadn’t noticed.

"I'm just messing with you. I know you wouldn't do that to yourself. Or me, for that matter."

The words felt like a blow to Josie's chest, forcing the air out of her. Lizzie didn't say anything else. She just pulled the blanket over her chest and drifted to sleep. Once her sister’s breaths were slow and deep, Josie finally stretched her legs a little and relaxed. She curled closer to her sister and sighed, chewing the inside of her cheek absently.

This couldn’t work for much longer.

❀

"What are you most afraid of in the entire world?" Penelope asked, head on Josie's shoulder. MG was out with Kaleb for the night, so it was one of the rare occasions where they could lay in Penelope's dorm without fear.

"Gosh, so many things," Josie chuckled. "I guess, like, being a disappointment to the people I love. Not being a good enough sister or daughter or, someday, mother or wife. I don't want to let anyone down, and I worry about it so much. I want to be good, I guess. For everyone."

Penelope sat up and looked at her, trying to read her features. When she couldn't, she leaned down and kissed Josie's forehead.

"Only good people worry about stuff like that, if that's any comfort," Penelope said, laying beside her again.

"What about you?" Josie asked, looking at her. "What are you afraid of?"

Penelope looked away and thought for a few seconds, biting the inside of her lip. She finally looked back down at Josie with a small smile. "Moths. Moths are fucking creepy."

❀

"Is that a new one?"

Penelope looked over at MG, putting the cap back on her nail polish. She held her leg out so he could see the tattoo better.

"Yeah! Isn't it cute?" Penelope grinned, looking down at the little flower on her ankle.

"Yeah, I like it! Did you do it yourself?" MG asked.

"Nah, not this time. A friend did it a few days ago. Good for a first try, right?"

MG nodded. "Oh, definitely. Is she your apprentice now?"

Penelope looked at him, confused. "What makes you think they're a she?"

"Oh! Uh, nothing. Sorry. I was being presumptuous, I guess." MG opened his mouth to say something, but when nothing came out he turned away and focused on his phone. Penelope didn't say anything either; she just resumed painting her nails and tried not to think too hard about it.

❀

Josie prayed that the hotel staff dusted and cleaned the wall Penelope currently had her pressed her up against. She tried not to think about it, instead threading her fingers through Penelope's hair. Her gloss smeared over Penelope's lips, slightly sticky and sugar sweet. Josie could taste it on Penelope’s tongue, which normally would have grossed her out, but right now she couldn’t bring herself to care. The hands on her waist roamed down to her hips, making Josie shiver. Penelope pulled back and smiled, pink streaked around her mouth.

"You're so beautiful, you know that?" Penelope said, staring at Josie in a way she couldn't recall ever experiencing. It was pure affection, without guilt or hesitation or anything Josie had expected. She felt her cheeks heat up as Penelope pressed another small kiss to her lips. Before Josie could respond to it, Penelope dropped to her knees. She leaned forward but hesitated for a moment before glancing up at Josie.

"Is this okay?" Penelope asked, voice soft and low. Josie nodded hard; nothing had ever been so okay with her in her entire life. Penelope grinned and leaned forward, pressing kisses to her thighs. Josie leaned her head against the wall, worries about its cleanliness far gone from her mind.

❀

"I think Josie has a girlfriend," Lizzie said, interrupting MG. He leaned back in his chair, turning away from her homework for a minute. So much for all of the explanations he’d been giving Lizzie as he did the work; all of her “uh-huhs” must have been automatic.

"Oh yeah? Did she say something to you about it?" He asked, setting his pencil down.

"Yeah, but she wouldn't tell me anything about the girl. She was, like, super vague about it, which is weird for her. Usually, she tells me _everything_ about people she's into." Lizzie chewed her lip in thought. "I mean, does she not trust me with stuff like that anymore? Did I do something?"

MG shrugged. "I have no idea. I mean, to me, it sounds like she's just trying to have something for herself. A little privacy is healthy, y'know? So maybe she's just, I don't know, exercising some autonomy or something."

"Yeah, you're probably right. I'm just curious, you know? Like, if my sister is seeing someone, I want to meet them! I wanna see what they're like and see her all happy and cute with someone once in a while. But my therapist said I shouldn’t really pry with stuff like that, so I've been trying to just leave it alone. I guess we'll see how long that lasts," Lizzie sighed. She grabbed a piece of licorice off the desk and took a bite out of it. 

"The other night," Lizzie said, pointing at MG with the licorice stick, "Josie said that with this girl, she finally feels like she can just exist and not worry about everything. I didn't even know she felt that way, and now she’s met someone who changes that for her. She said it's not serious or anything, so I guess that helps, but I don't know. The curiosity is just killing me."

"Maybe she thinks you won't approve," MG suggested nonchalantly.

"Why wouldn't I? I'm a totally warm person!” Lizzie spat. She closed her eyes and reconsidered that statement. "Okay, maybe not. But if she makes my sister happy, then I like her! Whoever it may be."

"She'll tell you when she's ready, Lizzie. I promise. So, if I were you, I'd just trust her on this. Give her some space and let her have her thing, y’know?”

Lizzie nodded and took another bite of her licorice, staring off into the distance. MG suppressed a sigh and turned back to the papers on his desk, glad the cover had worked. Penelope owed him _big time._

❀

Sometimes, when Josie’s hair was down and her makeup was off and she laughed so hard she snorted, Penelope thought she might be able to fall in love with her. Maybe one day, she would wake up next to Josie and her hair would be a mess and residual mascara would be smudged under her eyes and Penelope would just _know._ She thought about that day more than she would like to admit, and sometimes the daydream would help her fall asleep. Sometimes it would help her wake up. Sometimes it would pop up in her mind without warning and she wouldn’t push it away as much as she used to.

These days, all of those _‘sometimes'_ were becoming _‘usually.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you all enjoyed!! i LOVED writing this chapter and getting to experiment with all sorts of scenes and interactions. hopefully the fun i had writing it resulted in you having fun reading it! if any of you are going back to school soon, i hope it's a great time! my first day is on the 24th and i'm so excited to start! if you aren't doing distance learning, then stay safe, stay sanitized, and i hope your time back on campus is wonderful :~)
> 
> the next chapter should be up on the 31st, so look forward to that! thank you all so much again, and i hope you enjoyed <3


	6. ➵ penelope park

"God, do they ever turn on the air conditioners in here?" Penelope asked, sliding her leggings back on. She grabbed her coat off of the chair in the corner and ran her fingers through her hair. Josie was still sitting on the oversized bed in the hotel room, a thin blanket draped over her shoulders. Penelope's gaze lingered on Josie for a moment before she turned and stepped out onto the balcony, sliding the door closed behind her.

When Penelope sighed, a cloud of breath rose up in front of her. The stars shone brightly above; there was far less light pollution out here than she was used to. She took a particularly large hit from her dab pen and wondered if someday she would be able to live somewhere beautiful like this. There were manicured shrubs all along the walls of the hotel and a flower garden in the front. Penelope had made fun of the hotel for having a fountain in the courtyard, but now that she looked at it she understood the point. Moonlight shone on the statue's shoulders, giving the water that poured from the pitcher a silver sheen. For a fleeting moment, she understood what she was meant to see: there was beauty in the unnecessary, solid and pointless and perfect.

She coughed from the burn in her lungs and when she looked back at the statue, the moment was over. The awe dissolved as quickly as it had come and was replaced with distaste. The statue was just overpriced rocks, carved by a machine in some random country for no other purpose than to show off status. Penelope hit the pen again, but no wonder rose up in her this time. The statue was just a statue, and the world was real and boring again. A sigh left her, loud and scratchy from the itch in her throat.

Penelope turned as she heard the door slide open. Josie walked out, the light of the room casting a halo around her head. Penelope felt a smile tug at the corners of her mouth. _How fitting_. She thought of how Josie looked, with her hair down and body bare, and she wondered what a statue would have looked like if Josie had been the muse. She might appreciate statues more as a concept then. _That_ would make a garden perfect. 

_Fuck, I’m getting sappy._

She took a deep breath and tried to steady her nerves. This was the big night Penelope had been waiting for, and now that it was here, she wished it wasn’t. Few things were more daunting than asking someone like Josie to go steady; she still wasn’t totally sure they were even in the same league. As a rule, Penelope ignored the very concept of rejection until it was right there in front of her. However, with Josie, it was all she could think about. There were too many ‘ _if_ ’s for Penelope’s comfort. She knew she just had to ask and the worry would be over, for better or for worse, but she couldn’t get herself to speak up as Josie sat next to her. There was a tense silence, and when she glanced over at Josie, her eyebrows were knit in concern. Penelope cleared her throat, shocking Josie out of thought. Josie turned to look at her and gave her a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. Penelope tried to smile back but wasn’t sure that it was very convincing.

_Okay. Now or never_. As Penelope opened her mouth to speak, Josie broke the silence.

“I have something I need to tell you,” Josie said quickly, staring just past Penelope’s head and into the distance.

“I actually have something to tell you too,” Penelope said, tilting her head in confusion. Josie wasn’t acting right, making her existing anxiety climb in intensity.

“Oh,” Josie cleared her throat. “Okay, yeah, you go first.”

“Are you sure?”

Josie pursed her lips and nodded, trying for another unconvincing smile.

“Okay,” Penelope started. “I was just wondering if you wanted to… I don’t know, maybe try this for real? Like, _this_ ,” Penelope said, gesturing between the two of them. “Us.”

The panic reached a new level when a tear fell down Josie’s face. Her lip quivered, almost imperceptibly, but Penelope noticed right away. She’d never seen Josie cry before and was surprised at how much she hated to see it. Something welled up in her gut, deep and heavy, and she felt like she needed to murder whatever had caused Josie to feel this way. The notion that she must have in some way been the reason struck her hard, guilt cracking through her chest. Penelope couldn’t even remember the last time she’d felt truly guilty like this. (Okay, that was a lie, but it was easier to not remember that day.)

“JoJo, what’s wrong?” Penelope put her hands on Josie’s arms and tried to look at her face, but Josie wouldn’t look at her. The tears continued to flow, and Penelope felt the distinct urge to wipe them all away. “Did I do something?”

“We-” Josie coughed a little, trying to clear the lump from her throat. “I can’t do this anymore.”

“What do you mean?” Penelope asked. The realization hadn’t yet hit her; she was still slightly in shock from Josie’s crying.

“Please don’t make me say it,” Josie sniffled. Penelope pulled her hands away as if she had been burnt. _This is not happening right now. There’s no way this is my life_.

“I- I thought things were going well?” Penelope stuttered, incredulous. She still couldn’t wrap her head around it; she’d expected a yes and prepared for a no, but this was uncharted territory. There was no script for this part.

“Things were going well. No, are,” Josie corrected herself. “They _are_ going well.”

“Then why are you doing this if things are going so great? Because clearly there’s something you aren’t telling me. No one breaks up with someone if everything is great.” Penelope felt her voice rising in volume, but she lacked the awareness to adjust it. “Is it something I did?”

Tears were still dripping down Josie’s face, but she had set her jaw to not give away anything else. “It’s not about you, Penelope.”

“Then what is it?” Penelope asked, voice pitched up in sour amazement. When Josie shook slightly at the words, the answer dawned on Penelope like a punch to the stomach. “Oh my god,” she half-laughed in anger. Her voice no longer sounded like her own; there was a venom to it that hadn’t been present for weeks. The familiar tone stung as she forced the words up, “This is about Lizzie, isn’t it?”

Josie nodded, unable to say anything. Penelope gave a bitter smile and shook her head. “Look, I really don’t care what your sister thinks about us, okay? She can feel however she wants to feel. That’s her probl-”

“It’s not about how you feel, Penelope!” Josie interrupted. “This isn’t about you at all.”

“Oh, got it. It’s all about Lizzie, just like everything else, right?” Penelope knew in a dissociated way that she didn’t like how she sounded but was too upset to change it. _I sound like my fucking dad right now_.

“Don’t do that,” Josie pleaded.

“Do what? Notice how afraid of her you are?”

“I am not afraid of her,” Josie sneered. “I just want her to be okay.”

“So you’ll just sacrifice your own happiness for that?”

Josie laughed. “Oh, right, because you’re my only source of happiness.”

“Certainly a better source of it than she is! She’s a black hole, Josie. Why are you letting yourself get sucked in?”

"Oh, please. You don't have any brothers or sisters!” Josie took a deep breath, trying to calm down. “You have no idea what it's like."

"Do I not have any?” Penelope could feel half of her mind begging her to just shut up. The angry half won the fight. “Or did you just never bother to ask?"

That clearly stunned Josie, because she blinked at Penelope in silence for a few seconds. Penelope felt a sick sense of pride at having made Josie question herself so much, but underneath it was pure nausea. She had a feeling it was just her brain’s way of shoving the guilt where it couldn’t reach her. ( _Survival of the fittest_ , just like Percy always said. Fuck this.)

“Do you?” Josie asked, voice wavering. The tears had ceased, replaced with a stony expression. She betrayed none of her emotions, but her voice dripped with apprehension.

"Yes, actually.” Penelope willed herself to shut up before she said something she would regret. It didn’t work. “I had a brother. _Had_. So don’t try to tell me I have no clue what I'm talking about, because I loved him. I loved him so much and now he's gone and I have to keep going. I don't get a choice. And you know what? I still would have chosen my life and my happiness over his life because it’s what he would have wanted.” 

_(In truth, Penelope had no clue if that’s what he would have wanted or not. Eleven years is a long time to spend without any fresh memories of a person. Sometimes, you were left with your best guesses rather than certainties.)_

"I... I'm so sorry. I didn't know." Josie’s tone had steadied and everything about her now seemed blank. This made something in Penelope even more upset; she wanted some sort of passion at least, to know that this hurt both of them equally. All she got was stoicism.

"Yeah, well, you never seemed especially interested in me. You were more interested in a warm body and being away from Lizzie and let me tell you, I don't blame ya!”

Josie set her jaw and narrowed her eyes. “God, you really haven’t been paying attention, have you?” 

Penelope had no clue what that was supposed to mean but tried not to show her confusion. “So what do you want me to do then? Just leave?” Penelope laughed. Josie said nothing, and Penelope’s smile fell.

“Oh. Okay, yeah. Fine! Fine then. I’ll just-” Penelope stood abruptly and opened the door to the room. She gathered her items and shoved them in her backpack. “I’ll be on my way.”

Penelope zipped up the bag in one harsh movement and glanced over at Josie in the doorway. Josie had her arms crossed, body coiled with tension, ready to burst. The energy radiated off of her and into the room, spurring Penelope on further. She lugged the bag over her shoulders and turned to leave. Before she could open the door, she heard Josie speak.

“How are you gonna give me my things back?”

Penelope laughed at the irony of the situation; of course a rich girl could break a heart and still manage to worry about her possessions.

"I don't know. Just… drop my shit off with MG and I'll give him yours. He'll take care of it." Penelope waved a hand dismissively.

"You _told him?_ " Josie hissed.

"No, of course not! He figured it out himself because he actually _pays attention to me_. And he's not even my twin!" With that, Penelope slammed the door to the room and left Josie behind.

When she made it outside, clouds had gathered in the sky. The moon no longer shone its light on the statue’s body, and Penelope was glad for it. There was no beauty in expensive rocks or cool water or flower gardens full of more pollen than air. They were just things, and Penelope wasn’t sure there were any beautiful things left in the world.

( _Drama queen,_ Percy would have chuckled.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! i hope you all enjoyed this chapter (as much as anyone _can_ enjoy this miserable wreck of an interaction.) i felt so bad having to make them be so mean to one another, but it was a necessary evil. i originally planned on penelope keeping her cool throughout this chapter, but given how emotional everything else about josie makes her, it felt right to make this more of a mess than was the initial plan. also, a little more pen backstory for everyone! (because the show robbed us of that, rip)
> 
> i'm gonna keep it brief this time so as to avoid any spoilers, but the next chapter should be up on the 11th! look forward to that and find out if hearts are mended or broken further into bits, or if something else entirely happens ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 
> 
> thank you all again! <3


	7. ➵ josie saltzman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (tw/cw: mentions of drug abuse and suicide)

Two days after the night at the hotel, Josie couldn’t sleep. She’d dozed for a bit, dreams shallow and fast, but it didn’t last longer than an hour. The sun was starting to climb in the sky outside, casting a faint purple glow on the walls of her room. She grabbed her phone and looked at the time. _6:14 a.m._ There went the chances of her heading to class today; she wasn’t the kind of person who could function on so little sleep.

She’d like to think that what she did next could be attributed to that lack of sleep. In all honesty, it was probably just her feeling desperate. Josie opened up her messages and took a deep breath before typing.

_Josie: Hey. Do you care if I give you your stuff back in person instead of through MG? I have a pair of your underwear and it feels weird not giving them to you directly._

That wasn't entirely true, but she hoped Penelope would allow it anyways. To Josie’s surprise, Penelope was awake and responded after only a few seconds.

_Pen: uh, yeah. that's fine, if you wanna just drop them off or something. i have a couple of things of yours i don't really want to give to him either, tbh_

_Josie: Okay, cool. When should I head over?_

Penelope’s reply was instant this time. Josie had noticed that about Penelope; she was one of the quickest typers Josie had ever seen. Aside from Lizzie, she doubted anyone else could write and send a text as quickly.

_Pen: whenever is fine. you could come right now if you want. idk, i'll be here whenever, so just text when you're close and i'll get everything packed up_

\--- 

An hour later, Josie stood in front of Penelope's dorm room. She waited impatiently for her to open the door, the hood of her coat obscuring her face. The last thing she needed right now was for anyone to notice her here. After a moment, the door swung open and she was face to face with Penelope. Her eyes were slightly red but without any visible tear streaks. Josie hoped she was just stoned; she wanted to assume that Penelope was indifferent to all of this, or anything to soothe her conscience. Penelope sniffling slightly broke the illusion.

"Hey," Penelope said, clearing her throat. "Come on in."

Josie nodded and stepped inside, pulling a plastic bag out of her purse. Penelope followed suit, grabbing a bag off of her bed. They handed them to one another wordlessly, careful not to graze fingers. Josie suppressed a laugh at the difference between the two bag sizes. She had found two shirts, three pairs of underwear, and five different necklaces of Penelope's throughout her car and room. She had also found five different socks and spent a good amount of time trying to figure out just _how_ someone can leave a place wearing only one sock and not notice. When she peeked in the bag Penelope had handed her, there was only a pair of underwear and a scrunchie. Josie tried not to let her fondness for Penelope's chaotic ways surface; it wasn't the time to start rethinking this.

"Thank you," Josie muttered, avoiding Penelope's eyes.

"Yeah, no problem. It's all good." 

Josie wasn't sure she believed that. They stood in awkward silence for a moment before Josie spoke. "I'm sorry about the other day. I went too far."

Penelope chuckled, but there wasn't much warmth to it. " _You_ went too far? Nah, that was all me. I said some really shitty stuff. And I know I shouldn't have brought your sister into it."

Josie didn't deny any of what Penelope said, but she gave her a small smile. "I don't blame you. She's a lot sometimes. It's easy to hate her."

Penelope sighed. "I mean, I don't _hate_ her." There was a pause. "Okay, yeah, I kinda do. But that doesn't mean it's justified."

Josie laughed. "You're not alone in that. People don't get to see her the way I do, though. They only see her exterior. Lizzie is good, underneath everything. She's just...sick. She got it from our mom."

"I thought she was just an asshole."

"Yeah, well, she can be that too, sometimes," Josie grinned. She looked down at her feet. "I'm sorry for assuming, by the way. Y'know, about your brother. I shouldn't have said anything about it."

"It's okay. You didn't know," Penelope said, smile gone from her face.

"Why didn't you ever mention him?" Josie asked softly. She heard Penelope swallow hard.

"It never came up," Penelope shrugged. When Penelope didn't say anything else, Josie was going to let it go. Just as she was about to move on, Penelope spoke again. 

"He died when I was a kid. I didn't really know him super well, which I guess is normal when there's a big age difference like that. He, uh, killed himself when he was 20. I mean, not _killed himself_ killed himself. It was an accident. Overdose. And I was being so awful to him all day because my dad pissed me off and I was a kid, so obviously I didn't think like, 'Oh, I should go easy on him because he's having a hard time' or whatever." Penelope stopped talking to sniffle and wipe her eyes. "I took it out on him and then he died and it felt like it was my fault. Like if I'd been nicer to him, nothing would have happened. As if it was my fault he got bad shit from his dealer."

Josie didn't know what to say. She considered bringing up her mother and trying to relate in that way, but that pain was not the same as Penelope's. Losing someone you never knew hurt, but Josie knew it wouldn't be fair to pretend to understand. Instead, she just pursed her lips and nodded.

"What was his name?"

"Percy," Penelope said with a fond smile. "Percy Park. My mom loves the alliteratives."

Josie chuckled. "I can tell. That's a beautiful name." She considered for a moment before shrugging. "Penelope isn't half bad either."

"Oh please. Do you not remember that time when you were wasted and ranted for like, five minutes about how it was your favorite name?" Penelope laughed, but tears sprung up in her eyes again.

"I wish I did. It sounds like it was a nice time."

"It was cute, I'll give it that. You kinda run out of things to say about a name though after the first, I dunno, thirty seconds?"

Josie laughed and shrugged, but the cheeriness didn't last long. After a moment she looked away from Penelope and cleared her throat.

"I guess that's everything, then."

Penelope nodded. "I guess it is." 

There was nothing more to say. 

Josie took a deep breath and grabbed the bag again, preparing to leave. As she put the belongings in her purse, she realized she'd missed something. "Oh, and there's this." Josie reached into the front pocket and pulled out the sleek wooden case, its weight satisfying in her hand. Penelope's eyes softened when she saw it.

"No, I can't take that back," Penelope said, shaking her head.

"It's yours, though."

Penelope gave a small smile, eyes wet with tears that didn't fall. "It really isn't. Look at the little clip thing. It's kinda hard to see, but…" Penelope trailed off.

Josie took it out of its case and looked closely at the clip. There, in tiny cursive letters, she saw her name. _Josie._

"How did you get that on there?" Josie asked in disbelief.

"I, uh...I didn't actually steal it. I bought it at a shop and they did engraving for like, seven extra dollars. I knew I wanted to give it to you, so I just...had them stick your name on it. I thought it would be a nice touch." Penelope tried to clear her throat, but it did nothing to disguise how choked up she was. Josie felt fresh tears streaming from her eyes.

"I'm sorry, it was stupid. Now you definitely won't want the pen if it's just gonna be a rem-" Josie surged forward and kissed her, cutting off the words. _Just like the first time._

Penelope pulled back slowly and sniffled. "Please don't do that when you're about to leave."

Josie reached a hand up and wiped the tears from Penelope's cheeks. "I'm sorry," she said, voice barely a whisper. They stood like that in silence for a moment. Josie looked into Penelope’s eyes and realized that it may be the last time she got to see them. The tears made the green even more vibrant. Josie’s chest ached as Penelope sniffled and wiped her eyes with her sleeve.

“So it’s really over, huh?” Josie said, more of a statement than a question.

“It feels over,” Penelope agreed. There was another silence, but it wasn’t awkward. The finality erased any tension it would have otherwise had. Josie tried to be grateful for the amicable ending, but couldn’t bring herself to feel that optimistic. The loss of this wasn’t soft or kind, and she couldn’t treat it as such. It was probably better that she let herself feel the emotions anyways; lack of it is what got her here in the first place. She cleared her throat and took a step back.

“I guess this is goodbye, then,” Josie said, hand on the door.

“I guess it is.” Penelope took a deep breath and sighed. “Bye, Hufflepuff.”

The nickname brought a fresh flood of tears to Josie’s eyes. She pursed her lips, trying not to make it obvious how near to sobbing she was. 

“Goodbye, Penelope.” Josie grabbed her bag and stepped out into the hall. Penelope stood in the doorway, leaning on the side of it.

“Wait,” Penelope said after Josie took a few steps. She turned around and looked at Penelope expectantly. _Please ask me to stay._ “Do you think we could have made it work? In another life, maybe?”

Josie gave a small laugh and smiled at Penelope, tears still streaming down her cheeks. “In another life.”

\---

When she made it home, she laid on her bed and cried for far longer than she'd like to admit. Lizzie had tried to comfort her and figure out what was wrong, but Josie had just given her a choppy answer about a breakup. Lizzie took the hint and sat on her own bed, headphones in. She occasionally glanced over at Josie and gave sympathetic smiles. Josie did her best to return them.

When the tears finally stopped, Josie grabbed her phone and went straight to the site for Northview Tech. She opened up the form for donations and, after some careful deliberation, made an anonymous donation of $5000 to be allocated to their counseling centres. When prompted to write her name so that it could be added to the plaque of donors, she wrote only the name _Percy._

Things finally felt over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! we've sorta hit the end of an era with this chapter. i don't really have a lot of happy, cheery stuff to say here because this chapter was honestly pretty bleak. i do really hope you enjoyed though! keep in mind we're nowhere near the end yet. we still have half a story to go, and i can't wait to tell it! there's so much to come <3


	8. PT. II ➵ penelope park

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
> PT. II - not out of the tunnel yet (i bet you though there's an end)  
> ↳ _two years later._

Senior year was, thus far, kicking Penelope's ass.

She was waiting to hear back from four different master's programs at various schools. She'd already been accepted to a college half an hour south but had her fingers crossed for something further away. There wasn't much in the area to stick around for these days; her grandma was gone, her mom had moved away for work, and her dad wasn't a huge motivation to stay. She'd miss MG, though. He was heading to grad school an hour away, close enough to drive back to visit Lizzie.

Awful, awful Lizzie.

Penelope sighed and picked up a bin full of dishes, running them back to the washing station in the kitchen. For a while, she'd tried to be more accepting of Lizzie's existence. Penelope still saw her sometimes when Lizzie visited MG, but Josie never came by. It was a lot harder for Penelope to ignore how much Lizzie irritated her without the presence of Josie.

It was for the best that Josie didn't come around much. MG never brought her up. Penelope kinda wished he would sometimes, just so she'd know that Josie was doing okay. She could never bring herself to ask MG, though. Penelope certainly didn't want to seem obsessive, especially not this long after the end of their relationship.

These days though, Penelope honestly didn't think about her that much. She had her fair share of flings, so she wasn't lacking in the physical aspects of a relationship. There was no real love or care behind the sex, but she was busy enough with work and school that love felt secondary.

She checked the clock and saw that her shift was over in 15 minutes. Once her shift was over, she went into the back office and clocked out, leaving her apron on the laundry pile. She shrugged her coat on and took her hair out of its ponytail. Her manager was nowhere to be found, so she told one of the cooks that she was heading out and went into the front room. Couples sat in all of the seats, laughing and smiling and looking at each other with sickeningly sweet eyes. Penelope was relieved that she got to go home before the dinner rush; she really didn't feel like watching all of the proposals that were sure to come tonight. The bell over the door jingled as she made it outside.

It would be a relief to finally get to sit down again, even if she had to pedal the entire time. MG still gave her the occasional ride to and from locations, but she found she enjoyed the freedom of riding her bike around. Someday, she wanted to get a motorcycle; maybe something red and shiny and extreme. For now, she settled for the fantasy of acquiring a rickety blue moped. She set her purse in the front basket of the bike and made her way into the road.

Once she got home, she calculated she'd have about three hours to get ready and then head to her destination. Not too bad, since MG was going to give her a ride. At least this time she could squeeze in a shower to get some of the fryer grease off of her clothes and the syrup out of her hair. The morning shift was always so _messy_. Perhaps the syrup would have an appeal, though. After all, who _wouldn't_ want to date someone who perpetually smelled like pancakes?

\---

As she sat in MG's car, Penelope bounced her legs up and down with nervous energy. She fiddled with a bracelet on her wrist, trying to abstain from picking at her nail polish.

"So how are you feeling about tonight?" MG asked, glancing over at her. She gave a polite nod.

"I think it'll go well," she said. When she found that her hands had moved from the bracelet to her nails, she added, "I hope it does, at least."

"I'm sure it'll be cool. Worst case scenario, you meet some weirdos and you'll have a story," MG confirmed, turning the wheel. Penelope gave him a doubtful look she wasn't sure he'd seen in the dim light.

"Worst case scenario, I meet some weirdos and _become_ a story." After a moment of silence, she added, "A crime story, that is. Like a true crime paperback for a nickel in a gas station. _That's_ what I'll be, worst-case scenario."

MG laughed. "Ah yes, my favorite crime novel: _Northview's Bloodied Valentine: The Murder of Penelope Park._ "

"Ooh, that's good," Penelope grinned. "And the tagline could be something like _We've all had disastrous dates. Now, witness her last._ "

"Make sure you tell one of your dates that. They'll love it," MG smiled.

"Oh, definitely. Nothing makes a date run smoother than joking that they plan on murdering you," Penelope nodded.

"Hey, it works for me!" MG exclaimed.

"Dude, you haven't been on more than one date with someone in two years. Pretty sure it's not working too well."

"And maybe that attitude is why _you_ haven't gotten a second date in years," MG pointed out. Penelope mocked offense and chuckled.

"Welcome to the 'first dates forever' club, MG," Penelope said, smiling. MG rolled his eyes as they pulled into the parking lot.

\---

Penelope hadn’t even known it was _possible_ for someone to snap their gum at the volume the girl across from her currently was. She tried to ignore it at first; it wasn't as if Penelope was without her fair share of bad habits. But the girl just _kept doing it_. Penelope couldn't tell if it was actually getting louder, or it was just seeming that way. She kept trying to make conversation, but the girl gave her clipped responses each time, looking off at other people around the room.

With three minutes remaining of Penelope's first-ever speed date, she hit the buzzer.

\---

A guy sat down next, short with thick blonde hair that went down to his ears. Penelope smiled at him and went to introduce herself, but was cut off.

"Hey, I'm Carson! So, uh, a little bit about me: I'm 23, a big fan of the outdoors, and I guess I'm just… Gosh, I don't know. Hoping to meet the right girl, I guess," he said, grinning. 

Penelope opened her mouth to respond but was yet again cut off by Carson.

"My dream is to be an actor someday, but right now I work as an HVAC Technician. Do you know what that is?" He gave Penelope no chance to answer. "It sounds kinda boring, but it's actually really interesting. So I specialize in heating, ventilation, and air conditioning, hence why it's called HVAC. You know, like H for heating, V for ventilation, and AC for-"

_Bzzzzt._

\---

Sweat dripped down this guy's forehead and onto his crisp white button-up. The drop revealed his skin underneath, pink through the shirt. His glasses were fogged up and he took a loud swig of the ice water in front of him. Penelope watched in silence, trying to figure out what was going on.

"Warm in here, huh?" he asked, dabbing at his forehead with a napkin. A little piece of the paper stuck to his forehead. Penelope nodded in agreement, although she was honestly a bit cold in the room. She kept staring at the napkin stuck to his forehead. He raised his eyebrows expectantly, waiting for her to say something. Penelope tried to respond but noticed the paper moving with the man's eyebrows.

He sighed and hit the buzzer. Penelope stood to move to the next table, still looking at the paper. She didn't say anything about it as she walked away.

\---

"So, what do you do?" Penelope asked, fiddling with her wine glass. The guy looked up at her over his glasses with a sly grin. He wore an ill-fitting suit, too loose at the shoulders and too tight at the waist. His name tag was smudged, so she couldn't make out what it said. _This is it. This is the guy who's gonna murder me._

"I'm an HVAC Technician," he said proudly. Penelope couldn't stifle the groan that left her.

"Jesus, is that a flooded market right now or something?" she asked. He tilted his head at her.

"What makes you say that?"

She gestured over at the blonde guy, giving the same speech to another girl across the room. "He does the same thing. It's just a weird coincidence."

The guy glanced over at the blonde and scrunched his nose up in disdain. "He must work for Powell's. Their work is so sloppy. It's horrific, honestly. McCaan is far superior. In fact," he opened up his suit jacket and pulled out a business card. "Here's my card. If you ever need any work done, call that number and ask for John. I'll give you a discount," he said with a wink.

Penelope slammed the buzzer and crumpled up the card.

\---

Penelope was beginning to wonder if there were even any girls here (aside from the gum snapper) as yet another man sat down across from her. This guy wore a suit that fit very well, but Penelope was too distracted by his hair to notice it.

His hairline had receded far back on his forehead, a prominent widow's peak in the center, and dyed a horrible shade of teal. There was still dye staining his scalp, but the color looked long faded. Bits of sideburns were bleached but without any color added to them, resulting in strange yellow spots between the colored pieces.

"How are you doing tonight?" he asked, grinning at her. Penelope did her best to return the cheeriness.

"Pretty good, I guess. New to this whole thing," she said, nodding awkwardly.

"Yeah, it's weird at first for sure. This is my," he stopped to count on his fingers. "Fourth time at one of these."

"Still haven't found the one yet, huh?" Penelope gave a sympathetic smile and looked down at the table. "So, uh, what do you do?"

"Oh! Glad you asked." _Please don't be an HVAC Tech._ "I work in IT right now, and do some frontend programming on the side." _Oh, thank God._

"Wow! That's actually pretty cool. My cousin does stuff like that. She's ridiculously talented at it. It all goes way over my head," Penelope laughed. She was surprised that it was actually going pretty well.

"Yeah, I get that a lot. It's my passion, though. As geeky as that sounds," he chuckled. "What about you? What do you do?"

Penelope took a sip of her wine. "I'm a waitress right now. I don't love it, but it works. Tips are great, too."

He furrowed his brow a little. "Waitressing, huh? Is that enough to live off of?"

Penelope didn't know for sure whether that was a rude question or not, but she took offense nonetheless. She sat up a little straighter before answering. "Like I said, it works. I'm in the dorms right now, so I don't have rent or anything to worry about."

The guy's smile fell and his eyes widened a little. "Wait, how old are you?"

Penelope raised her eyebrows. Did this guy never quit with the rude questions? "22, if you _have_ to know. Why, how old are you? 50?"

The guy hit the buzzer and waited for Penelope to stand, looking away.

"I'm sorry. I have a daughter your age," he explained, still not looking at her.

"Jesus Christ," Penelope said, grabbing her purse.

\---

There was one date left, and Penelope was putting all of her willpower into not going home right then. It was just five more minutes. Easy peasy. Then she could go home, wash off her makeup, chug some wine, and watch Bridezillas until she passed out. In her opinion, that was a far superior Valentine's Day celebration anyways.

When Penelope saw her final date approaching, it took everything in her not to gawk. The girl was _beautiful._ She had long, silvery hair that contrasted sharply against her deep skin tone. And her eyes, her _eyes_ , were such an intense and warm brown. Penelope cleared her throat as the girl sat down, trying to seem casual.

"Hi," the girl said, grinning brightly. Penelope wondered if the girl got her teeth whitened at the dentist because _god_ they were bright.

"Hey!" Penelope scooted her chair in a little closer. "Uh, nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too!" The girl took a sip of her wine. "So this is weird, huh?"

"God, so weird!" Penelope laughed. "Did you meet any of the HVAC Technicians? I swear there's, like, forty here."

"Yes! Did the one give you the spiel about how his company was superior?"

"Oh my God, yes. I almost lost it right then and there." Penelope chuckled and took a swig of her drink. "So, obligatory small talk: what do you do? And if you say HVAC, I'm walking out."

The girl laughed and carefully rubbed her eyes, avoiding smudging her makeup. "Definitely not. I'm a teacher, actually. I teach 7th-grade science at the moment."

"God, 7th graders, huh? I don't think I'd have the patience for that."

The girl shrugged. "Eh, they're not really as bad as they sound. At least not so far, I guess. I've only been teaching for a year," she explained. "What about you? What do you do?"

"I'm a waitress right now. I'm in my senior year of college, so it's mostly just to make some extra money before I get into a master's program."

"Oh, that's cool! What do you study?"

"Major in sociology, minor in psychology. Kind of an unconventional path to social work. I wanna be a caseworker for CPS or something like that. Something to help kids when their parents aren't doing enough, I guess. I'm trying to get a master's in social work right now."

"God, and you think 7th graders are bad?" the girl laughed. Penelope gave a sheepish smile and shrugged.

"I guess I'll know when I start whether or not I can handle it. I like to think I could, but who knows? It's a weird field."

The girl nodded. "That's fair." She checked the timer and drummed her fingers against the table. "Okay, switching gears for a minute so we can make the most of our time: when was your last serious relationship, and why did it end?"

Penelope sighed and looked away. _So much for forgetting about Josie tonight._ "It was around two years ago. Sophomore year. And it ended for a lot of reasons. I guess the main one was that neither of us was in the right place for it. She needed to get her priorities straight when it came to herself and her family. I needed to learn not to be so judgy and to not… I don't know, project my problems onto her I guess? It was a really short relationship, though. I know it wouldn't count as legit to a lot of people, and we weren't even technically dating, but it was definitely serious." Penelope thought for a moment. "Serious to me, at least."

"Do you feel like you're over her?" the girl asked.

_Depends on the day._

"Yes," Penelope answered. "Definitely."

The timer was running low, and the two noticed it at the same time. The girl spoke first.

"So, I feel like this went pretty well. Do you wanna maybe exchange numbers?"

Penelope nodded fervently. "Yeah, definitely!" She took her phone out and opened up the contacts before handing it over to the girl. Penelope took her phone as well and put her number in.

"Oh, I forgot to mention," the girl said, still typing. "My name tag wouldn't stick to my coat and fell off a few tables ago, so I guess I should introduce myself."

Penelope nodded and smiled, exchanging phones with her again. She looked down at the screen and her smile fell.

"My name is Elizabeth," the girl said. "But everyone just calls me Lizzie."

There were ten seconds left on the timer. Penelope shook her head, a pained expression on her face, and hit the buzzer.

\---

That night, as Penelope was starting to drift off into a drunken sleep, she couldn't stop thinking about Josie.

She wondered if it counted as obsessive to still be thinking about a relationship two years later. Probably doubly so considering that it had lasted less than a month. Penelope felt distinctly _creepy._

Even so, she couldn't stop replaying it over and over again in her head. She tried to pick out the moments where she went wrong, or where Josie had done something she couldn't understand. It was as if she was making a mental map of the relationship so that she wouldn't get lost in it again, should she find herself there a second time.

Talk about creepy. She had to keep reminding herself that things were over. It was over and done, and soon she'd be off to a new school with new people and she'd fall in love with someone there and things would be fine.

Right?

And yet, drunk and alone, Penelope had a strange sense that things didn't have to be over. Except that they did. The relationship _had been_ over, _was currently_ over, and would continue _to be_ over.

Josie was off doing god-knows-what somewhere else, and then she'd grow up and do some rich person job and have a family and be happy. Penelope fit nowhere into that picture. _You are not her only source of happiness._

Valentine's Day fucking sucks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're in a new era here, y'all! welcome to part 2 of the story. sorry i didn't get this up last night; my internet was being screwy and wouldn't let me upload this chapter. it's here now, though!! hopefully this was a nice break on the ol' ticker after the last couple chapters. i wanted to write something a little more lighthearted and kinda reset the tone for part two since we're in a new era of the story.
> 
> thank you all so, so much for the support! you folks are awesome, and i really hope you enjoy this next half of the story <3


	9. ➵ josie saltzman

Josie was happy.

She spent most of her time around the school, going from classes to volunteer jobs to work at the library. Every night, she studied, wrote essays, and did her homework. When she was done with that, she'd sing or paint or read. Josie was so good at all of it. She was a straight-A honors student, she did well at work, and sometimes people would hear her singing and compliment her. People bought her paintings and the teachers loved her work. She put all of her efforts into everything she did, and she was _happy._

Except for when she wasn't.

Lizzie had a boyfriend and wasn't around much anymore. Josie had only met him a handful of times, but he seemed nice enough. Really nice, actually. Nice in a way where Josie was glad she hadn't met him first, because it would have hurt when he chose Lizzie over her. Josie wasn't betting on things lasting very long. Lizzie tended to do that; she'd get a boyfriend, disappear for two weeks, and then reemerge in Josie's life. It was a cycle, and Josie knew she could predict it.

Until she couldn't.

They'd been together for two months now. That made it Lizzie's longest relationship yet, and Lizzie had only come back to her crying about the relationship four times. _Four times!_ That had to be yet another new record. MG didn't come around much anymore, because he wasn't interested in watching Lizzie and Raf shove their tongues down each other's throats. Josie couldn't blame him; it wasn't her favorite pastime either.

MG texted Josie sometimes when he didn't want to come over, just to check in with them. He always asked how Lizzie was doing first, then checked in on Josie. He never mentioned Penelope, and Josie was glad for this. She didn't want to hear about how wonderful or awful Penelope's life was going because Josie _didn't care._

Except for when she did.

She usually did.

Josie knew that Lizzie was concerned about her. She tried her hardest to seem okay, but Lizzie could see right through her. Josie was stressed out and lonely and probably close to losing it.

Because of this, she wasn't surprised when Lizzie sat her down one day to give her some big news.

"I got you a date," Lizzie said, excitement barely contained. Josie grimaced and nodded her head.

"Okay, sure. With who?"

Lizzie gave a sly grin. "It's a secret," she sing-songed. Josie nodded again. There was no stopping Lizzie when she got like this; it was easier to go along for the ride.

"When is it?" Josie asked. Lizzie looked even more excited, and Josie had a feeling she'd be canceling her study plans for the night.

"Can you do 7 pm?" Lizzie asked. Josie sighed loudly, but a small smile crossed her face. Lizzie saw it and made an excited sound before surging forward and hugging Josie.

"Can I pick out your outfit?"

Josie yet again gave a nod. _Along for the ride._

\---

"Okay, you don't have to tell me who it is, but how did you pick them out?"

Lizzie wrapped a few strands of Josie's hair around the curler and grinned at her in the mirror.

"Raf knows them. I mean, I know them too, but Raf _really_ knows them." Lizzie took another piece of hair in hand.

"Do I know them?" Josie asked.

"I will neither confirm nor deny that," Lizzie winked.

Okay, so Josie definitely knew who this person was. She tried to go through a list of everyone she knew who could have a friend in common with Raf but couldn't come up with anyone specifically. It would take her all day to list everyone in the school, and she couldn’t even narrow it down by gender.

"Hey Lizzie," Josie started. Lizzie looked at her in the mirror as she continued to curl the hair, eyebrows raised. "Why didn't you send me on this date yesterday?"

Lizzie made a sound of disdain. "Because first dates on Valentine's Day are so _tacky_. Plus it sets way too many expectations, there's too much pressure, and trying to have a conversation while everyone is proposing to one another is _so_ annoying."

Josie smiled and shook her head slightly. "You spent a lot of time thinking about this, huh?"

"I did indeed," Lizzie chuckled. She took the final strand out of the curling iron and looked at her handiwork. Setting down the iron and turning it off, she stepped back and surveyed all the angles of the hair.

"Okay, perfect." Lizzie grabbed a bag off of the counter and unzipped it. "Time for makeup!"

\---

Josie shifted in her seat and glanced around the room, adjusting her skirt. Lizzie had insisted they go to a restaurant out of town a ways. _(You don't want a restaurant that either of you goes to a lot to be ruined by a bad date!)_ While Josie could see the point in that, she still wished she'd gone somewhere she recognized. At least Lizzie hadn't stuck around to watch the date; Josie's talk with her last time must have gotten through.

Josie kept an eye on the door and fiddled with the menu in her hands. She kept trying to read the specials but found herself unable to focus on it. A few more people made their way into the dining room, none of whom seemed to be her date. She glanced at the time. _7:02._

The door opened again and when Josie glanced up, she actually _gulped._

_I'm going to kill Lizzie._

"Hey Josie," Hope said, taking a seat in front of her. _At least she looks as uncomfortable as I feel,_ Josie thought.

"Hiiii, Hope," Josie said, giving an awkward smile. "So this is kinda weird."

Hope returned the smile, but it was a little colder than Josie's. "Very weird, I agree."

The waiter came up and Hope ordered a beer. Josie suddenly felt silly with her glass of champagne but resisted the urge to change her order. God, how was Hope _this_ intimidating without even trying?

"Soo, did you know it was gonna be me?" Josie asked, taking a sip of her drink. Hope shook her head, and one of the curls in her updo came out. Josie didn't mention it.

"Nope. Raf was _very_ secretive about it. I don't know why, though. It's not like I would have said no if I knew it was you," Hope shrugged as if what she said hadn't just blown Josie's mind. She was inexplicably flattered that Hope could like her at all, let alone _accept a date with her._ Middle school Josie would have flipped out.

"I didn't know you were…" Josie trailed off, trying to figure out how to word the question.

"Yeah, I am. I don't discriminate much. Just have a tendency to date guys," Hope replied casually as the waiter set their drinks down. God, how was she so nonchalant about everything? She kind of reminded Josie of…

No. Nope. Definitely not going there.

"I can relate to that. I just usually end up with girls," Josie nodded. There was an awkward silence as they both sipped their drinks.

"You look really pretty," Josie commented. It was the polite thing to say, but it was also true. So, so true.

"You do too," Hope said with a half-smile, eyes softening. "I see you in the library sometimes."

"Oh, yeah! I work there. It's something to do," Josie replied. "I don't ever see you though."

"I guess I'm sneaky," Hope smiled. "Or just not a noticeable person."

"No, believe me, you are very noticeable."

"In a good way or a bad way?"

"Good way," Josie answered, far too quickly. "Definitely good way." _Gosh, you look like a loser now._

Hope seemed to sense this. "Hey, relax. It's cute." She took a sip of her beer and Josie blushed, looking away. Hope was so charming and confident but not cocky, not like-

_Please stop thinking about your girlfriend who wasn't even your girlfriend while on a date with someone else, you weirdo._

"You're not too bad yourself," Josie smiled.

"Cheers to that," Hope said, raising her glass. Josie raised hers as well.

"Cheers."

_Clink._

\---

45 minutes later, they'd finished their food and had been talking the whole time. Josie had to admit, it was going surprisingly well. She'd had low expectations for a blind date, but she also hadn't been expecting Hope.

Hope was unlike anyone she'd ever met. It was like she was incapable of being boring in a conversation. She talked like she was in a movie sometimes, which Josie found bizarre and charming in equal measure. Something was wrong, though. Josie couldn't put her finger on it, but something seemed _off._

It was probably all in her head; she was always psyching herself out of things that could be really good. It’d be rude to bring up the tension when things were going so well! Besides, what if Hope didn’t even know what she was talking about? What if she made herself look stupid on a date with possibly the coolest person she’d ever met? Josie couldn’t just _do_ something like that.

Except for when she could.

"Does something feel off to you?" Josie interjected suddenly. Hope raised her eyebrows, and Josie realized she'd cut her off as she spoke. "Sorry to, uh, interrupt," Josie added.

"It's probably me," Hope sighed, leaning back in her seat.

"Did I...do something?" Josie asked. Hope shook her head immediately.

"Oh, no. God no. You're great. It's just…complicated."

"I can relate to that," Josie replied with a grin. "You can tell me if you want to, by the way. My feelings won't be hurt or anything." Josie paused. "Hopefully."

"If you insist," Hope sighed. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and looked away in thought. "I don't know. Something here just doesn't feel right. I want to like you. I really, really do. And I do like you! But there's just something wrong. It's like I look at you, and…"

"Wish I was someone else," Josie finished. Hope looked confused for a moment before her expression morphed into a knowing smile.

"You too, huh?"

"Me too," Josie nodded. "Who's yours?"

"He doesn't go to Silver or anything with us. He's not in college at all, actually. He lives with Raf off-campus. They're brothers. Adopted, I guess. Foster. Whatever you want to call it, they're brothers. Just works all the time." Hope took a swig of beer.

"So you two were together? Or he is just a...long-lingering crush?"

"Both. Definitely both," Hope chuckled. "We've been on and off for a long time. Off now for long enough that I think it's time to move on."

"Did he end it?" Josie asked.

"No, it was all me. I know it sounds stupid for me to miss him when _I_ broke up with _him_ , but that's just the way it is. I half-expected him to ask for a second chance, and that's sort of what I was hoping for, but he didn't. So I didn't either. And now it's too late."

Josie chewed her lip as she listened. "I know that feeling for sure," she said, nodding. "What's he like?"

"He's kinda...silly, I guess? That's the best word for it. He's a good foil for my, uh, serious nature. He's a musician, just like everyone else around here. Really handsome in kind of a goofy way. Kinda brooding and moody. It's cute though, in an emo sense. We worked well together, I think. Opposites attract, maybe."

Josie gave a slow nod and took a sip of her drink, trying not to give away just how close to home those words had hit her. Judging from how Hope was looking at her though, she knew she'd failed.

"So, tell me about your person-who-isn't-your-person-anymore," Hope said, leaning back in her seat.

Josie cleared her throat. "Okay, before I start, promise you won't tell anyone about this. It's sort of a secret."

"Ooh, a Saltzman family secret. I'm intrigued." Hope downed the rest of her drink. "I won't tell anyone. I promise." 

Josie nodded in thanks before taking a deep breath. "Okay, uh, she goes to Northview. At least, I _think_ she still does. We met at some frat party at Silver. She was wearing the same costume as Lizzie, so I kinda started talking to her like she was my sister. We flirted, I guess, and then Lizzie came over and broke it up. Lizzie _hates_ her because I guess she ruined Lizzie's coat. So Lizzie hates her, and then I saw her the next day in a gas station and I was really mean to her because I thought it would make Lizzie happier and then _she_ was mean to _me_ and I thought that would make the feelings go away but it didn't and then I kissed her and gave her a tattoo in a parking lot and had sex with her and she stole stuff for me and then I accidentally insulted her dead brother and then we got mad at each other and then we broke up and I haven't seen her in two years." Josie tried to catch her breath as Hope stared at her, wide-eyed.

"Jesus Christ, that's intense," Hope said after a minute. Josie nodded vigorously in agreement.

"Yeah, it was," she said, taking one more deep breath. "Sorry for dumping all of that on you, I just… I haven't been able to say that to anyone in _two years_. Two whole years!" Josie laughed. "And now you know."

"How long were you two together?" Hope asked.

"About three weeks," Josie admitted. Hope made a sound in-between a laugh and a groan.

"Holy _shit_ , Saltzman. And I thought _my_ relationship was a whirlwind of drama."

Josie blushed and suddenly felt very stupid for admitting any of that. It made her feel so...dumb. Like she was an immature tween girl in a middle school romance.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of, though," Hope said. _Is this girl psychic?_ "It sounds like there were just too many factors for anything permanent to come out of it. Doesn't mean it's too late," Hope shrugged.

"It feels way, _way_ too late," Josie groaned.

"Yeah, maybe," Hope admitted. "So this probably isn't gonna work out, huh?"

"This as in...us?" Josie asked, gesturing between them. Hope nodded.

"Probably not." Josie drank the rest of her champagne. "At least not at the moment," she added.

Hope grinned. "Hey, that's something. Maybe in a few years, if we're both still members of the lonely hearts club and we're over our people, we can give it a shot."

"Definitely then," Josie nodded. "You know, I had a crush on you when we were younger." _Okay, maybe I should have stuck with the free water._ "Is that weird to say?"

Hope laughed. "It would be a lot weirder if I didn't also have a crush on you at one point."

Josie blushed and could practically _feel_ her tween self cheering at the revelation. It was unfortunate that it couldn't mean as much to her at that moment as it would have before.

"What was she like, by the way? I'm curious now." A waiter came by and took their glasses away to refill them. They both thanked him simultaneously as he left.

"She was...so many things," Josie laughed. Hope smiled and Josie realized that genuine warmth had replaced her cold manner at the beginning of the date. Whether it was the beer or the conversation, Josie was thankful either way.

"She was really pretty. I know that's a really, like, surface-level thing to say, but she was. She was beautiful. And _smart_ , too. Ridiculously intelligent. She had this whole cold, kinda...bitchy, I guess? exterior, but she wasn't that way when I got to know her. She was so confident and kind of reckless, which worried me, but it was charming at the same time. She was everything I thought I would hate in a person, but it _worked on her_ somehow. She was hilarious and selfish and strange and...and…" Josie trailed off. She saw Hope raising her eyebrows in her peripheral vision, but couldn't stop staring away because _holy shhhhh…_

_Josette, if there was ever a time to swear, I assure you it's right now._

_Holy shit._

"And she's right there."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERE WE GO AGAIN, Y'ALL!! i really hope you all enjoyed this chapter! i had so much fun writing it, and i got to throw in a lot of (at least in my opinion) fun twists! at this point i feel like i need to pretty careful not to give away any spoilers so i don't really have anything else to add here! again, thank you all so much for the support and i can't wait to share this next chapter with you folks <3


	10. ➵ penelope park

Penelope’s hangover was going to be the death of her, and the smell of her teacher’s perfume was _not_ doing her any favors.

She looked at the clock and squinted in the fluorescent light, a steady throb pulsing behind her eye. There were 45 minutes left of class. 45 minutes of sitting in the front row, her teacher’s god-awful, expensive perfume assaulting her nose, with the occasional spray of spit whenever the teacher got to talking about synapses. No matter what the topic of the day was, this professor always found some new, bizarre way of relating it to neurotransmitters. It was like she was somehow sponsored by synapses, always trying to awkwardly segue into an ad read. Penelope put her head in her hands and tried to give herself a pep talk. 

_45 minutes. That’s easy. That’s just three more 15’s, and you’ve already been in here for three 15’s, so you’re basically already done with the class. In ten minutes, there will only be around half an hour left. If you include the ad breaks, that’s the same amount of time as an episode of Spongebob. You’re only in here as long as it takes to watch one episode of Spongebob. That’s nothing. Easy._

45 minutes.

“-In conjunction with the therapeutic method we discussed, a psychiatrist may also prescribe a treatment that would inhibit the reuptake of norepinephrine, which would be beneficial in this case. Now, we will go into some of the potential dangers of this method of treatment in this age group and how to address those concerns, but I would like to do a quick little review on norepinephrine. As we know, norepinephrine can function as a neurotransmitter, in conjunction with a chemical synapse-”

Penelope groaned much louder than she meant to, drawing everyone’s attention. _Goddamn synapses._ She muttered apologies as she grabbed her backpack, winced at the movement, and slipped out of the room.

\---

After a sizable cup of coffee, two breakfast sandwiches, and a nap, Penelope was feeling much better. She climbed out of bed and looked at the clock on her phone. There were still a few hours left before her shift tonight, thank _god_. She chewed her lip as she tried to decide what responsible, grown-up thing she should do first. When she got out of bed, she stepped on a discarded box of chocolate from the night before. To its left, a bottle of cheap wine was knocked on its side. Penelope half-thanked and half-hated herself for drinking every last drop. Was it a sign that she maybe needed to chill with the drinking? Yes. Did it save her a huge mess to clean up the next day? Also yes. She’d have to compare the pros and cons later.

Penelope grabbed a trash bag off of the table and shook it open. For now, she’d just have to complete her first productive task of the day.

\---

The box under Penelope’s bed was slowly dwindling in volume. She went through it every so often and got rid of something new. Now, she was nearing the end of her supply of stolen goods. Stealing didn’t have the same appeal it once did; she was older and far more boring now. There was no point in going to parties and taking people’s shit when she had no one to give it to. Without a reason or a thrill, she got sick of it. Her priorities were different now; drinking and smoking weed was demoted to number three on the list. The first was school, the second was work, and the third was having fun. Such is the life of a grown-up.

After showering and with an hour left before she needed to go to work, Penelope sat cross-legged in front of that old bin. She picked through the items, sorting them into piles. Sometimes she put things in the “lost and found,” just because it was fun to see someone wearing one of those shirts and knowing that they were a thief. It was a little bit sad that this was the best mischief she got up to these days, but she didn’t mind. At least it was _something._

There were only about two dozen little items left at the bottom of the bin. They were mostly things Penelope hadn’t seen in years; old erasers (trash), school mascot pins (lost and found), and lighters (keep). She cursed herself for collecting so much random shit and leaving future Penelope to deal with it.

As she made it to the bottom of the bin, her nail caught on a piece of thin plastic pressed tightly against the side, so much so that she hadn’t even noticed it there. Penelope realized it was a bag, thin and crumpled from years of neglect in the bin. She shook the contents out, obscured by the blue plastic, and found two tiny temporary tattoos.

One was a little rainbow, faded with age, and the other was a daisy. She realized, belatedly, that it was identical to the daisy that decorated her ankle.

It was a duplicate of the temporary tattoo she had pressed onto Josie’s skin in that parking lot, drunken and dumb and laughing at the top of their lungs. It was the one Josie had copied as she pressed the blackened needle into the first few layers of Penelope’s skin, hyper-focused with an absent smile on her face as she worked.

It was a symbol of everything they had been, fresh and small and sweet. It was now a symbol of everything they were: faded and creased with neglect. Wilted.

Penelope certainly felt wilted.

Old erasers (trash), school mascot pins (lost and found), lighters (keep), temporary tattoos (begrudgingly and with much hesitation, trash).

\---

Penelope tied her hair back as she walked to her bicycle and tried not to think about how Josie had liked it when it was shorter. She missed the freedom of it; never having to worry about it getting caught in things, not spending five full minutes brushing it every morning, always using a reasonable amount of conditioner.

She had no reason to keep it long, but she did anyway. There were no real benefits to it; she didn’t even like it more than the bob. It put a distance between the person she had been and who she was. That may have been a good thing, had she actually enjoyed the person she was now.

It was nice, to an extent, to be a grownup. She went to work and made her money and went to class and met people at bars instead of on the floor at ragers. Penelope had also learned the value of detachment; life was so much easier when there was no one to worry about. MG counted, but he'd be gone soon and she'd be wherever else. She was learning to find joy in her lonely.

It was not going well today.

As soon as she began pedaling, the dread of being alone hit her. That was usually reserved for late, self-loathing nights full of wine and tissues and all the other dumb shit she hated to admit she found comfort in. It felt far too much like when she was a kid, right after Percy died and amidst her parents' divorce. She hated feeling like some stupid kid whenever MG brought up moving or when her mom posted pictures from whatever new country her work brought her to.

Or when she thought about Josie.

Especially when she thought about Josie.

It was awful and ridiculous and she _knew it_ , but the feeling wouldn't go away. There had been time enough to grieve the end of that relationship, and yet Penelope still felt so stuck in it. She caught glimpses of love in other people, and sometimes she believed that was enough. In the day, she could convince herself that she was over it and would move on. At night, all alone in her room and feeling like she would be forever, it wasn't so easy to convince herself.

She worried sometimes that there were flecks of Percy's misery inside her. When she drank herself to sleep or woke up half-crying already, Penelope worried about herself. At least she was still capable of worrying about herself, she guessed. Logically, she knew that it was just because of the stress and life changes she was experiencing. It was normal, so long as it didn't get out of hand. She was determined not to let that happen.

Nevertheless, she walked into work wiping away the beginnings of tears.

\---

Penelope tied up her apron and sniffled a little bit, trying to recover from her outburst outside. It was strange to be surrounded by people and yet still feel so disconnected from everyone. Groaning, she put her head in her hands and took a few deep breaths. She had to be out on the floor in five minutes; it wouldn't do for her to start crying in front of customers.

Out of the corner of her eye, Penelope saw someone come into the back room. She turned with her back to them and hoped to God it wasn't her manager. The embarrassment of that wouldn't be doing her any favors. She couldn't even remember the last time anyone saw her cry, let alone her _superiors._ Penelope winced as the other employee walked up behind her, heading to the computer to punch out.

"Hi, Penny!" the person said. Penelope breathed a sigh of relief; only one person in the world called her Penny, and that was Jean.

Jean was a tall, lean old woman with bottle-red hair and glasses verging on comically large. If her stories were to be believed, she'd been working at the restaurant for the last 45 years and had never missed a shift. She was everyone's favorite waitress, brimming with warmth and humor and with expert tray skills to boot. Jean also happened to be Penelope's favorite co-worker. Her attitude, which Penelope would have normally deemed obnoxious, just worked on her.

If anyone was going to see her cry at work, it may as well be Jean.

Penelope cleared her throat as she turned around, trying to act natural. "Hey, Jean. How are you?"

It didn't stick. Jean immediately gave her a look of concern, surveying her for wounds or scrapes. Penelope figured it must have been the maternal instincts kicking in.

"Oh Penny," Jean tutted, putting her hands on Penelope's upper arms gently. "What's wrong, hun?"

"Nothing," Penelope muttered, shaking her head. "I'm just having a weird day. Nothing to worry about, I promise."

"Sweetheart, if something's upsetting you this much, it isn't nothing," Jean said. "Don't be embarrassed, either. Do you know how many breakdowns I've seen go down in this room? Hell, a few of them have been mine!" Jean laughed.

Penelope hadn't realized until Jean held her arms just how touch starved she was. And conversation starved. And emotion starved. Starved of everything that wasn't food, pretty much. It set off a new wave of tears in Penelope, though these ones were far less violent.

"Is it a boy?" Jean asked in a soft, low voice as if telling a secret. When Penelope took too long to reply, Jean added, "Or a girl! Don't mean to be presumptuous."

"I wouldn't say it's _about_ a girl. She definitely isn't helping, though," Penelope admitted, shrugging. "I don't know, I don't want to unload all of my problems onto you."

"Everyone already unloads all their work onto me. Trust me, I can handle a few personal problems," Jean chuckled.

Penelope smiled back and took a deep breath. "My brother's death date is coming up and all of my friends are moving away and soon _I'm_ gonna have to move away and I have to get into a program and then manage to stay in the program and not crumble like I'm currently doing," Penelope wiped under her eyes, trying to remove the remaining tears. "I just feel so alone all the time. It's stupid; I know that if I tried, I could have so many friends and date anyone I wanted to and whatever else, but I just can't. I feel all broken up inside and it's so dumb."

Jean nodded, giving her a half-smile with eyebrows knit in concern. Penelope took a shaky breath and exhaled slowly.

"Jean, is it stupid to miss someone you broke up with a long time ago? Or who broke up with you or whatever?"

Jean nodded and Penelope felt horrible all over again. Jean gripped her arms a little tighter in comfort.

"Yes, but love is stupid, Penny. Or infatuation or anything else you wanna call it. It's all stupid and makes us feel stupid things, and those are the realest feelings in the world. You're not stupid for loving someone if that's what you're asking."

Penelope gave a half-smile and looked up at the clock. She needed to get out on the floor.

Jean must have sensed this because she pulled Penelope in for a hug that was warm and motherly and something Penelope hadn't felt in years.

"You're fine, hun," Jean said softly. "I promise you're fine. Now get out there and get some tips so you can have fun later!"

Penelope nodded as they pulled away from the hug. She took one last deep breath as she clocked in.

"Thank you, Jean."

Jean grinned. "Any time, Penny."

The restaurant was almost full when Penelope got out into the dining room. She sighed and made her way over to her section, passing the booths and larger dining tables. As she walked, she looked around to try and see who was working that night. Out of the corner of her eye, she thought she saw someone familiar in one of the booths. She turned to look at them, expecting an old classmate or something, and upon seeing their face felt frozen to the ground.

Josie Saltzman was sitting across from some beautiful girl Penelope had never seen before. Josie glanced up and noticed her too, and they locked eyes with equal looks of horror.

_Where's Jean when you need her?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all so, so much for reading! we are getting SO CLOSE to the next posie interaction, i promise! (slow burn fics will be the death of me, agh)
> 
> i am yet again here to make penelope an actual person with emotions and vulnerabilities rather than a semi-empty vessel of drama as she is on the show, so hopefully that translated well in my writing! i think pen is such an interesting character, and to think of how dirty the show did her breaks my heart smh. #LetPenHaveEmotionsOtherThanBitchyOrInLove2k20
> 
> i really hope you all enjoyed this chapter! your feedback seriously always makes my day, so thank you all for that! <3 you folks are the best and i'm so glad to have much support for this fic :')
> 
> buckle up for some drama next chapter! i'll see you all then!!


	11. ➵ josie saltzman

Before Josie could tell Hope not to look, it was too late. She'd already spun around and was looking straight at Penelope, her green eyes narrowed. Josie prayed for a sinkhole to open up and swallow the entire restaurant.

No natural disasters came. Instead, Penelope turned on her heel and yelled something to someone about going on break. When they tried to protest, she repeated the statement and walked outside.

Josie realized her mouth was wide open as Hope turned back around.

"Well, she seems nice," Hope laughed. Josie felt sick to her stomach as she put her head in her hands.

"This is a nightmare," Josie muttered. "This is an actual nightmare."

"Hey, it's not the worst date I've ever been on," Hope said with surprising sincerity. It didn't make Josie feel much better.

"What am I going to do?" Josie said, voice wavering. The anxiety was mounting in her stomach and making its way to her throat. Hope must have noticed because she immediately leaned forward, trying to calm her down.

“Hey, you’re okay, Josie. Everything’s okay,” Hope said, reaching out to comfort her. The contact helped Josie ground herself and she took a few deep breaths.

“Should I talk to her?” Josie asked. Hope shrugged and pulled back, taking a sip of her drink.

“It’s up to you. I mean, I would, personally. Do what feels right for you, though. Whatever that is.”

Josie nodded and thought for a moment, considering her options. She wouldn’t lose anything by staying right here and letting Penelope calm down on her own. Penelope probably hated her, for all she knew! What was the point of going out there and trying to make conversation with someone who didn’t like her?

_Because at least then you’ll know._

Josie downed the rest of her wine and stood up, banging her knee on the table. The silverware rattled and heads turned to look at her. Hope stifled a laugh and Josie shook her head, trying not to feel like a complete idiot before going into this situation.

“Go get her. One less member of the lonely hearts club, yeah?” Hope encouraged. Josie nodded and took one more deep breath before heading out the front door.

Penelope was nowhere to be found. Josie considered giving up and heading back inside so she could cry in the bathroom and go home. She couldn’t quite convince herself to do it and cautiously took a few steps down the sidewalk. There, in the alley, Penelope was leaning against a brick wall. Josie steeled her nerves and made her way over, her heels sticking into the ice every few steps.

“She’s pretty,” Penelope said as soon as Josie made her way over. It was freezing in the alley; Josie hadn’t thought to grab her jacket. She shivered as she nodded.

“Yeah...I guess she is.”

“You _guess_?” Penelope gave a bitter little laugh. It was strangely hurtful; Josie felt like she was back to square one with Penelope. “Kinda weird to act like your girlfriend isn’t hot the minute you see your ex, don’t you think?”

Josie narrowed her eyes. “My _girlfriend_? That’s a bit presumptuous.”

“Oh, is it? Because you two seemed pretty into each other from my perspective,” Penelope shrugged. “Maybe I am just being presumptuous, though. I guess there are other reasons why the table could have been covered in drool.”

Josie sighed and centered herself. This wasn’t the real Penelope and Josie understood that now. This was the defensive Penelope, the one she’d dealt with so many times before. There was no point in fighting with her. Penelope only did this when she was hurt or afraid of being hurt. Josie thanked God that she hadn’t forgotten this about her.

“It was a blind date, Penelope. Neither of us wants to date each other. We already established that. Please don’t talk to me like that,” Josie said, voice shaky with the anxiety of standing up for herself.

Penelope didn’t say anything for a long time. She stared down at the cement, streetlights reflecting on the slushy ice below. Josie watched her, trying to read her expression, and realized after a moment that Penelope’s face was wet with tears. Penelope sniffled and wiped them away before looking up.

“Sorry,” Penelope muttered, some of the venom dissipating from her tone. More tears welled up in her eyes and she made a sound of frustration as she sopped them up with her sleeve. “Fuck, can I go five minutes without crying today?”

Josie wasn’t sure how to respond to that. She didn’t have to think about it long before Penelope spoke again.

“I feel like I’m such an awful person sometimes, y’know? I’m just alone all the time and when I finally get a chance to be around someone I just… I don’t want them anymore. I don’t _want_ anyone. I don’t even want myself at this point. I hate being alone and I hate being with people and all I do is sit around and wait for someone to come and fix everything for me, but I know that if somehow some magic genie-” _Jinni_ , Josie silently corrected- “came to help me, I’d push it away too. And just by telling you this shit, I feel like I’m being selfish and manipulative because now it sounds like I just want you to fucking coddle me or something and tell me I’m not bad at all."

They stood in silence for a few long moments as Josie tried to think of what to say. Penelope looked back down at the ground and Josie watched as she kicked at the ice under her feet. Tears still slid down her face, barely visible in the alley's dim light. When Josie couldn't think of anything profound or important to say in reply, she decided to do something she rarely did: wing it.

"You are an awful person sometimes, Penelope," Josie stated. Penelope glanced up at her for a moment before nodding and looking away. Josie pressed on.

"In the time I've known you, you've been rude, judgemental, impulsive, and selfish. You've been a thief and a jerk and a- an- an _asshole_!" The swear felt foreign as Josie said it and the guilt of being so harsh was starting to set in. She tried to ignore it.

"Your lack of regard for laws and authority and basic manners seriously baffles me sometimes. Like, I know that you know what the right thing to do is, and you still _don't do it_." The silence between them was stifling as Josie figured out how to word what she needed to say next.

"Those are all the things I remind myself of when I think of you. When we first broke up- I know you're going to make fun of me for this at some point- I actually made a list with all of that stuff on it. It was a whole bullet journal thing. So I wrote in this stupid, fancy, washi tape bordered cursive all of the reasons why I should hate you and move on.

"I'd repeat the list over and over again in my head. _Penelope is mean when she's upset. Penelope hates Lizzie. Penelope makes poor decisions._ They were all just these stupid, superficial reasons to hate you because it was easier to write what I should hate rather than what I need to stop loving. Half of the time those things were the same, too! _Penelope let me give her a tattoo while we were wasted. Penelope doesn't care about rich person rules. Penelope isn't afraid to say exactly what she's thinking._

"But the stupidest thing was when I'd finish reading the list in the morning. It was a part of my routine: wake up, drink coffee, brush my teeth, get over Penelope, go to class. I'd finish burning the list into my mind and open my desk and put that little journal right next to that pen you gave me. I couldn't ever get rid of it and believe me, I tried. So every single day, after all of those reasons to hate you, I'd look at that pen and be stuck thinking about all the reasons to love you.

"And the worst part is, I think I _did_ love you. Like actually, seriously love you, which sounds so dumb all things considered, but it's true. I really think I did," Josie laughed, feeling tears of her own soaking her cheeks. Penelope was still staring at the ground but Josie could see a hint of a smile on her face as well.

"The way I felt about you wasn't convenient," Josie admitted. "So I just locked it up inside of my brain the way I do everything else that's hard. I always figure that some other time I'll be ready to deal with it, but that time never comes. It all just pours out one day and makes a bad situation worse and I don't know how to stop. Right now though, I'm gonna try. So I'm giving the hard stuff to you. All of those inconvenient thoughts can't live in my head anymore. They just can't.

"Besides, they're yours anyway. They always have been. Every difficult, awful emotion I feel towards you belongs to you in the end. I guess there's a tiny piece of me that's just yours now. Maybe I have a piece of you, too."

The silence that followed made Josie cringe. She replayed everything she'd said in her head, trying to figure out if she'd said something wrong. Upon analysis, Josie started to feel self-conscious. The drama of her words suddenly felt like way too much, like she'd made a weird situation even weirder. She shivered and sighed as she turned toward the door.

"I'll hold them for you," Penelope blurted out. Josie turned to face her again. "The thoughts, I mean. I'll keep 'em safe until you're ready to take them again if that's what you need."

Penelope shrugged out of her jacket and offered it to Josie.

"Here, take it. I can stand to be cold for a minute," Penelope explained. Josie smiled and slid the jacket on, immediately thankful for the warmth.

"Sorry, by the way. For how I acted earlier. I shouldn't have been so mean to you. Or that girl, whatever her name is."

"Hope," Josie supplied. "Her name's Hope. Lizzie set me up on a date with her, but she's kinda in the same boat as me in terms of…not being ready for anything."

"So there's nothing there?" Penelope asked. Josie raised her eyebrows and smiled.

"Why? Are you jealous?"

"No! Of course I'm not jealous! You're an adult. You can date whoever you want." Penelope said it with conviction but Josie could tell it wasn't entirely true. She had a feeling that Penelope knew it too.

"I really can't date whoever I want," Josie said. Penelope made a dismissive sound.

"Pfft, yeah right. You're beautiful and you’re smart and one of the most genuinely kind people I've ever met. _And_ you're rich to boot!” Penelope laughed. “Anyone who wouldn't date you is an idiot, JoJo."

“What if I can’t be with the one person I want?” Josie asked, voice soft and tight in her throat.

“What, like some Romeo and Juliet shit? Star-crossed lovers?” Penelope looked surprised. “I mean, I guess in that situation I’d just say go for it. You never know; maybe it’ll work out! Or maybe you’ll both die in a tragic misunderstanding and your families will forever rue the day they tried to keep you apart. Either-or,” Penelope grinned.

Josie let out an unexpected laugh and was reminded of all the things that made Penelope so _good_. She sucked sometimes, sure, but didn’t Josie suck just as much? They were both sappy messes trying their hardest to grow up. There was no crime in trying their best and failing. Josie had never been any good at failing. Somehow though, when she was around Penelope she felt like she could fail a million times and still be okay. There were always more pens and more parking lots and more flowers to replace the ones that were broken. There were always second chances and third and twentieth for the two of them. They could try and fail as many times as they needed until they got it right. Josie was willing to fail as long as Penelope was the one to dust her off and give her another shot. 

_You never know. Maybe it’ll work out._

Josie took a few small steps forward and Penelope mirrored the movement until they were face to face. It began to snow and, although the snow was painful and much more like a knife than a flake, Josie smiled at the cheesiness of the universe. Penelope smiled too, though Josie assumed for different reasons. It didn’t matter; just the sight of it was enough.

Josie and Penelope leaned into each other and kissed, soft and silent. The snow rained down, burning Josie’s hands as she cupped Penelope’s jaw. When Josie pulled away, she noticed little flakes clinging to Penelope’s eyelashes. When Penelope blinked they melted, and Josie wasn’t sure that she wouldn’t suffer the same fate. At that moment, she wouldn’t have minded disappearing into Penelope, melting away and becoming a piece of her. Josie leaned back in to kiss Penelope, figuring that it was the closest she would get.

After a moment, Penelope pulled away. Her face was wet but Josie couldn’t tell if it was from tears or snow. They stayed together, lips almost touching as Penelope looked down.

“Do you mean it this time? Like, _really_ mean it?” Penelope whispered. Josie nodded slowly. “And you know what that means, right?”

Josie took a deep breath before she answered.

“I know. I have to tell Lizzie. I have to tell everyone.”

“You can back out right now, okay? If you can’t do it, you can leave and I promise I won’t hold it against you. Because there’s a chance that it is _really_ gonna suck for us if we do this. Don’t do it if it isn’t worth it.”

Josie knew what Penelope meant: don’t do it if _she_ wasn’t worth it. Maybe if she was feeling more defensive and self-hating, she would take Penelope up on her offer. At that moment though, in her romance and alcohol-induced stupor, there was no question.

“I can do it this time, Penelope. I promise.”

“We hardly know each other anymore,” Penelope commented. Josie shook her head and chuckled.

“Yeah, I can tell. You’re thinking things through for once. Character development,” Josie said, grinning. Penelope returned the smile.

“And you’re calling me out on my bullshit in a constructive way. Have to admit, I like it better than the whole ‘bottle it up and then explode and fumble to clean up the pieces’ thing you used to do,” Penelope laughed.

“Guess I got some confidence in the meantime. Besides, someone has to do it. Your ego might get too huge otherwise.”

“Pfft, hardly! My ego bubble was burst long ago, JoJo.”

Josie shivered again, despite the warmth from Penelope. Her teeth chattered as she said, “I guess we have a lot to relearn about each other.”

“I think I’m up to the task,” Penelope said, pressing a final kiss to Josie’s lips and stepping away. Josie shuddered as she took the coat off and handed it back. Penelope nodded in thanks and draped it over her arm. “What do we do from here?”

“We try again,” Josie answered immediately. Penelope looked at her in amusement.

“As much as I appreciate the dramatic enthusiasm, I kinda meant something more like ‘do you want me to walk you back inside?”

If Josie’s face hadn’t already been red from the cold, then the embarrassment certainly would have made it happen. She cringed and groaned, putting her face in her hands.

“Gosh, okay, that was horrible,” she laughed.

“At least you messed up once you’d already won me over again,” Penelope shrugged, grinning as she made her way to the door. She opened it up and gestured Josie in. She thanked Penelope and was relieved by the warmth inside.

“I need to go back to work,” Penelope sighed. Josie nodded and gestured to the tables.

“I should get back to Hope,” Josie explained, “so that’s fine. Y’know, stuff to do. We both have stuff to do. Which is good! Having stuff to do is...good,” she finished lamely. Penelope was right; she was lucky she’d lost her charisma once the big moment was over. The strange response didn’t seem to bother Penelope.

“Do you still have my phone number?” Penelope asked.

“Yeah, I never really got around to deleting it,” Josie admitted, blushing.

“Me neither,” Penelope smiled, clearly relieved she wasn’t alone in that. “I’ll text you when I get off work, okay?”

Josie nodded and watched as Penelope made her way back toward the kitchen, apologizing profusely to the other staff. She took a deep breath and went back to the table. Hope sat there, legs kicked up on Josie’s side of the booth, scrolling through her phone. When she saw Josie approaching, she sat up straight and raised her eyebrows.

“So, how did it go?” Hope asked. 

Josie shrugged noncommittally, trying to appear confident and calm.

“It went fine. We worked it out.”

Hope seemed to buy it for a moment before breaking into a grin.

“You’ve got a little something there,” Hope said, gesturing at the corner of her mouth. Josie wiped her lips with a napkin and saw a shade of gloss that was _not_ hers smudged there.

“Shut up,” she mumbled as Hope continued to laugh. Despite doing her best to seem grouchy, Josie couldn’t contain the mixture of joy and fear welling up inside of her.

The next few days and the emotions that would follow weren’t going to be easy. Then again, what truly great thing ever was?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE FINALLY MADE IT, FOLKS!! hopefully after all of that build-up, this was a satisfying chapter for all of the posie hearts reading this <3 i was so glad to finally get to write their banter again and to get to do something angsty, fluffy, and light-hearted all in one chapter. the posie train has once again left the station, y'all!!
> 
> again, i really hope you all enjoyed this chapter and that it was a satisfying update!! thank you all so so much for your support :')


	12. ➵ interlude II (forgive me now, my heart)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title comes from "[cool people](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-rwXIj_ARw)" by chloe x halle. this song was yet another huge inspiration for this fic and one of the few happy love songs i can listen to on loop <3

"Everyone expects you to just wake up one day and _know_ like it's the easiest thing in the world. Whatever you're good at, you're supposed to just go out there and do it and _know_ ," Josie sighed.

Penelope sat up and grabbed a bag off of the bedside table. The dorm room was emptier every day as her roommate prepared to move out. Penelope's side was still a mess of old papers and half-empty water bottles. She didn't feel like much of an adult yet. They had that in common.

"So what major did you decide on? You have to have picked something by now, right?" Penelope offered Josie a piece of licorice from the bag as she took one for herself.

"Liberal arts," Josie said, taking a bite.

Penelope couldn't stifle her laugh. "That is the absolute vaguest degree I have ever heard of. Does that even count?"

Josie cringed as she finished her licorice stick. "Apparently. I just...I didn't want to do one thing. They say to do what you're good at, so…"

"So you picked _everything_?" Penelope laughed, voice much louder than she'd intended. Josie blushed and hid her face in her hands.

"I knowww," she groaned.

"God, that's something. The perils of overachievement," Penelope said, offering Josie another Twizzler. She obliged and bit into it, a small smile on her face.

❀

Josie's phone ringing startled her from her nap. She'd forgotten to turn the volume down, so the horrible chirp blared from the other side of the room. Josie jumped from the bed and ran to answer it, if only to shut the thing up. She didn't look before answering.

"Hello?" Josie's voice was still raspy from sleep. She turned away from the phone, cleared her throat, and tried again. "Hello?"

"Okay, don't freak out or anything because I'm definitely going to keep my mouth shut," MG started. Josie's stomach dropped.

"She told you, didn't she?" Josie winced.

"Yes, and I wanna tell you that I support it 100%, okay?" MG sounded like he was trying to be reassuring, but it didn't help Josie much. It just reminded her of how many other people she was going to have to tell. And…

"Have you told Lizzie yet?" MG asked after a quiet moment. Josie shook her head before realizing he couldn't hear it. She cleared her throat again.

"Nope," she sighed. "I haven't."

"Are you... gonna?"

"Of course. She's my sister. I need to tell her," Josie said automatically. After a second, she added, "But I don't want to."

"Why?" MG asked, although Josie was sure he knew the answer.

"What if she hates me for it?" Josie whispered. "What if she finds out that I've been lying, or at least not telling the truth, and she leaves?"

There was silence over the line, the crackle of static all that remained. Josie checked to make sure that he was still there.

"Love shouldn't mean having to choose," MG said finally. "If Lizzie loves you, which I know she does, she'll get over it. Lizzie wants you to be happy. She just has a weird way of going about it, I guess.

"And if Penelope loves you or really likes you or whatever, she'll understand that and accept it. To be fair, she already has once. Penelope knows what's gonna happen here and she’s cool with it, but she isn't the one who's taking the biggest risk. That's all you. So, as unhelpful as it sounds, this is on you, Josie. This is your choice and it's gonna change a lot. I guess the question is whether or not it's worth it.

"I mean, I'd do pretty much anything for Lizzie. You know that. Everyone knows that. It's common knowledge," MG laughed. "But I can't sit here and tell you to be afraid of her or try to get you to preserve her feelings or whatever. You deserve to be happy, y'know? And if Lizzie's holding you back from what makes you happy, then you need to do it and worry about her later. She'll come back. I promise."

"Thank you, MG." Josie meant it. "You're a good friend.”

"No problem," he said, and she could hear his smile.

❀

"Something's wrong with Josie," Lizzie said, pulling her shirt back on. Raf raised his eyebrows at her and sat up in the bed.

"In what way?"

Lizzie bit her cheek in thought.

"Something's just off with her. I don't know what, but I can feel it."

"I'm sure she's just-"

"Oh my god, what if she has cancer? What if there's something wrong with her and she's afraid to tell me? What if she's _dying_?" Lizzie grabbed her phone and frantically tried to search 'brain tumor symptoms," but it came out as "braian tumek symrepkms." Google offered no help. Before she could revise her search, Raf took the phone from her hands and set it on the bed.

"Deep breaths, Lizzie. Deep breaths," Raf encouraged. Lizzie closed her eyes and counted the inhales, trying to shut the thoughts down.

"I'm sure that she's fine. Maybe it's just because you haven't been around her much so things are feeling weird," Raf shrugged. Lizzie narrowed her eyes at him.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She hissed.

"It doesn't _mean_ anything," Raf sighed. "You just… haven't been around her. Like at all. It's just been me and you every single day."

Before Lizzie could reply, Raf interjected again.

"Maybe you need to start spending more time with her again. You know, hanging out with her more instead of me all the time."

"Are you saying you don't like being around me?" Lizzie asked, voice uncharacteristically small.

"No! No, not at all. You're a great friend, Lizzie."

The silence that followed was charged and suffocating. Lizzie's deep breath routine had ceased.

"A great _friend_? You're gonna call me a great _friend_ after we just had sex?" Lizzie shouted, no longer thinking about her volume. Raf tried to shush her which just set her off more.

"Don't tell me to be quiet! How am I supposed to be quiet when you're _breaking up with me_?" Tears were welling in Lizzie's eyes, but she wasn't sure whether they were angry or sad.

"I'm not breaking up with you! I just think that maybe we need to chill out so that we can both, y'know, work on ourselves. Figure out what it is we really want," Raf explained. Lizzie shook her head and laughed.

"So I'm not what you want?" She spat, expecting Raf to reassure her that it wasn't the case. The silence went on just a moment too long and Lizzie began to cry in earnest.

"There's someone else, isn't there?" Lizzie asked softly. Raf nodded a few times, slight and cold. Lizzie heaved a sigh that caught in her throat as she stood and gathered her things. She racked her brain for conflict resolution strategies from her therapist, communication tactics, great exit lines from movies to make a spectacle of it. Nothing came to mind. Lizzie shoved everything she could find that was hers into her bag in silence.

As Lizzie made her way to the door, she turned around one last time.

"Never bring my sister into anything again. If you want to break up with me, _fine_. But don't you dare sit there and use Josie as an excuse for your feelings."

Before Raf could reply, Lizzie slammed the door shut.

❀

"What was your first impression of me?" Josie asked, head on Penelope's shoulder. The stars above them flickered in and out of view as clouds rolled by.

"Do you really want to know?" Penelope giggled, adjusting her gloves.

"I think I can take it," Josie said, grinning. Penelope gave a dramatic sigh and, although Josie couldn't see it, she knew Penelope had rolled her eyes as well.

"Okay, well, I guess my _first_ impression was that you were hot and rich and probably a snob that I nonetheless wanted to bang."

" _Bang_?" Josie laughed, voice high and cracking with surprise. Penelope started laughing as well and Josie could feel the movement of it under her arms.

"I didn't wanna be crass! I might offend your delicate sensibilities."

"Right, because 'bang' is totally inoffensive."

"To each their own," Penelope smiled. "And I guess that my _second_ impression was that you were a snobby bitch who probably spent $30 a week on boba tea and was afraid to jaywalk."

"That you still wanted to bang?" Josie asked, unable to contain her laughter as she said the word.

"That I still wanted to bang," Penelope confirmed.

Josie scooched closer, leeching the warmth from Penelope as she shivered in her (authentic, thank you very much) down coat.

"What about you? What did you think of me?" Penelope asked. Josie looked up as a few of the stars peeked out from behind a cloud.

"Everything."

❀

Lizzie had been sobbing on Josie's bed for the last two hours. All Josie had been able to get out of her were the words "Raf," "over," and "fuckface." She was able to connect the dots.

When Lizzie finally calmed down, Josie's pillow was soaked and covered in mascara. She didn't mind; it was about time to wash the bedding anyways.

"He didn't want me," Lizzie whined into the pillow. Josie ran a hand through her sister's hair, combing it with her fingers.

"Did he say that?" Josie asked softly, leaning on her elbow next to Lizzie.

"He may as well have. First, he said I need to spend more time with you, then he said we needed to take a break and work on ourselves, and then… Then he said there was someone else," Lizzie said, voice nasally and pained.

"Why was I a part of it?" Josie felt bad for asking; she didn't want to make this about her, but she couldn't figure out why.

"Because I told him that I feel like something's off with you and I'm worried and he just used you as an excuse to break up with me," Lizzie sighed as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Josie didn't know how to reply.

"You can tell me if something's wrong, okay?" Lizzie turned and looked Josie in the eyes. "Please, no secrets. I can't take any more secrets."

Josie nodded and shut her eyes, trying to hold back tears.

"No secrets," she agreed, feeling like a fraud.

❀

_Josie: I need to tell her soon._

_Pen: when?_

_Josie: IDK, but I can't hide it anymore. I'm starting to lose it a little_

_Pen: in what way??_

_Josie: Every time I look at her, I feel so guilty. It's so much worse than last time. I can't do it anymore_

_Pen: what can i do to help??_

_Josie: I have no idea_

_Josie: Just...stick around. Please._

_Pen: you dont have to ask me to do that. that's already guaranteed <3_

_Josie: Wow, so we're in heart territory now??_

_Pen: yes <3_

_Pen: <3 <3 <3 <3 <3_

_Josie: …_

_Josie: <3  
_

❀

"Do you want me to talk to her first?" MG asked, sitting across from Josie and Penelope. Lizzie was in class, so the three of them had around half an hour to talk before they'd have to split up again.

"Not first," Josie said. "I don't want her to be suspicious or anything. She'll start overthinking it too much which will make it worse."

"Why not just text her and disappear for the night or something? Let her deal with it on her own," Penelope shrugged. Josie shook her head.

"I can't do that to her. I need to be there and support her."

"Why do you need to support her? She hasn't been supporting you at all."

"It's not that simple, Penelope," Josie sighed. "She's mentally ill. I can't just leave her to fend for herself after saying something that could quite possibly shake her whole world up."

Penelope wanted to say something but bit her tongue. As much as she resented Lizzie, Josie needed her to be supportive right now. She was getting better at shutting up once in a while.

"Okay, so what are we gonna do?" Penelope shifted on the bed and stretched.

"MG, maybe you can talk to her afterward if she comes to you," Josie suggested. MG nodded.

"Should I act like I didn't know?"

"I don't know," Josie sighed, putting her head in her hands. Penelope hesitated for a moment before putting her arm around Josie. "I don't want her to think there's this big conspiracy around her."

"Except that there is," Penelope laughed. She couldn't hold her tongue _all_ the time. 

Neither Josie nor MG seemed impressed. Penelope groaned and rolled her eyes. “Okay, fine. MG should act like he didn’t know. That way he’ll still be in her good graces, Josie will have less fall-out to deal with, and Lizzie won’t be _as_ upset.”

The room was quiet for a moment, as if no one could believe Penelope had said something genuinely reasonable and helpful. After a moment, Josie nodded.

“Okay, yeah. What Penelope said.”

MG made a sound of agreement and leaned back in the chair. It felt like they were planning an intervention. Penelope couldn’t wait for it to be over.

❀

"These are so pretty," Penelope said, holding a pair of earrings in her hands. Josie turned around to look at them.

They were silver hoops, the metal twisted into fine plaits. Small gems, probably cubic zirconia, were set in the strings of sterling. They glinted in the shop's fluorescent lights.

Josie was trying to find a preemptive apology gift for Lizzie. She'd dragged Penelope along to help her choose something and they'd ended up running errands as well. It felt deeply domestic in a way that gave Josie butterflies. This could be the rest of her life.

She wouldn't mind one bit.

"They aren't really Lizzie's style. She's more of a gold and diamonds sort of girl. No offense," Josie added quickly. Penelope laughed and put them back.

"None taken. Wearing the jewelry that turns your skin green builds character."

An hour later, they still hadn't found anything. The two walked out of the store, defeated and sick of shopping. When they were almost back to the car, Josie tapped Penelope on the shoulder.

"Hey," she whispered. Penelope turned around and furrowed her brows.

"Why are we whispering?" Penelope replied.

"Close your eyes," Josie said as she reached into her pocket. Penelope gave her another long, confused stare before obliging. "Put your hands out."

"If you put something gross in my hands, I'm leaving you," Penelope said, following the command.

Josie reached into her pocket and put the item in her hands. Penelope flinched at the contact but kept her eyes closed.

"Okay, open."

Josie grinned as Penelope looked down, unable to contain her excitement. In Penelope's hands were the pair of silver earrings, shining just as brightly in the wintry light as they had in the store.

"Oh my god, thank you!" Penelope enthused. "I love them so much."

"You're welcome," Josie grinned.

"When did you get them? We were together the whole time, we didn't even…" Penelope trailed off. Josie pursed her lips.

"Josie Saltzman, you _criminal!_ " Penelope laughed. "Oh my god, I'm a horrible influence. Thank you."

Penelope leaned in and gave Josie a short kiss.

"Can I see them for a sec?" Josie asked. Penelope shrugged and handed them over.

"Sure, why?" Penelope asked. Josie held her hand out and Penelope took it. She led them back in the direction of the store.

"I need to pay for these," Josie muttered.

"Josie, they're worth, like, seven dollars."

"I already got the rush of thievery. Now I'm gonna get the rush of being an upstanding citizen," Josie laughed. Penelope shook her head and squeezed her hand.

"Whatever you say, JoJo."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED!!! i finally got to write some proper fluff for these two again, so hopefully it melted your heart and/or was fun to read lmao. things are gonna get kinda intense next chapter because the Main Event™ for josie and lizzie is up next. buckle up, y'all! this chapter was so much fun; i really love getting to write the quick snippet chapters, so hopefully you folks have as much fun reading as i did coming up/writing it all! thank you as always for all of your support <3


	13. ➵ josie saltzman

When Josie was a little girl, the grounds of her house used to stay muddy all throughout the spring and summer. Once, when she was eight, she slipped in the grass and broke her left pinky finger. She sobbed the whole way to the doctor's office. Lizzie had set next to her in the far back of the van and pressed the ice pack to Josie's hand. She told Josie stories that she'd made up on the spot, inspired by passing people on the street or songs on the radio. She held the ice pack there until the doctor made her move.

Josie didn't go back on the lawn for months. She was terrified that she might fall and hurt herself again, so Josie sat upstairs and looked out the window as Lizzie kicked the soccer ball around alone.

At first, Lizzie tried to convince Josie to come outside while she still had her cast on. Josie didn't want to seem like a wimp, so she blamed it on her cast. Lizzie shrugged and went outside, leaving Josie to watch from the porch.

Eventually, Lizzie stopped asking and Josie stopped sitting on the porch. She took to her father's library for a while, reading as many of the books as she could. When the sun set, she'd leave the room and Lizzie would come in from outside, covered in mud and grass. She'd grin and their dad would tell Lizzie to go shower. Josie would sit down at the dinner table, book in hand, and wait for Lizzie to return.

One day when they were nine, Lizzie came in and sobbed. A gardener had told her that she wasn't looking very ladylike and pretty when she played outside like that. Their dad had given the gardener a stern talking to, but it changed something in Lizzie. She never played out there in the mud again. When Josie finally wasn't afraid to go out and get dirty, Lizzie had lost interest. She liked to play dress-up and lip-sync to music in their room. Lizzie told Josie that someday she'd be a pop star. Josie still just wanted to play outside and read. Lizzie had grown up a little more without her.

When Lizzie hit puberty, she got sick. There were no more lip-syncs, no more days of her carefully reapplying lip gloss, no more loud arguments over stupid things. It felt like Lizzie was gone.

Then, one day, Lizzie was back. Something was wrong though; she was Lizzie times a thousand and Josie felt like she didn’t know her sister anymore. She talked all the time about anything that came to mind. Lizzie lost what little filter she'd had to begin with. She still wouldn't eat. 

Sometimes, Josie would wake up early in the morning before the sun had risen. Lizzie would be on the floor, drawing and snapping the pencils between her fingers. When she noticed Josie waking up, her eyes would light up and she'd jump on Josie's bed. She'd talk and talk about every single thought that had popped into her head while Josie slept.

Lizzie said once that she didn't like it when Josie slept. She admitted that she'd stare at her sometimes in the night, just to keep Josie alive in her mind. When she'd questioned how it worked, Lizzie had shrugged and wiped her tears away. She asked Josie if she wanted to listen to her new favorite song. Josie nodded and they moved on, never talking about it again.

Josie read almost every book in their library in the medical section trying to figure out what was wrong with Lizzie. She sat there, a medical dictionary on the table and then another dictionary to make sense of that one, and pored over them for hours. Lizzie came in sometimes and laid on the couch, listening to music or drawing while Josie worked. She never asked what Josie was researching. Josie didn’t know if it was because she didn’t care, or because she already had a feeling. Either way, they never discussed it.

When they were thirteen, their family psychiatrist beat Josie to it. Lizzie was given half a dozen prescriptions which she took off and on from there on out. When one didn’t work, they gave her two to replace it. Josie wasn’t sure which Lizzie she preferred; the one who screamed and cried every day, or the one who slept and woke up only to eat. Even when the kinks in Lizzie’s prescriptions were worked out, she wouldn’t reliably take them. Josie wasn’t surprised.

For all the growing up Lizzie had done without Josie, she started to taper off soon after that. Josie kept learning and maturing. Lizzie never seemed to fully make it past 15. Josie didn’t mind all that much; Lizzie was still the same sister she’d always had. Other people didn’t take as well to it. People liked to talk about Lizzie in high school. Boys would say how hot she was while girls would talk about what a bitch she was. Lizzie didn’t seem to care as long as they were talking about her.

Even in what should have been Josie’s glory years, Lizzie overshadowed her. Josie had learned not to care, but as they got older, she found herself caring again. The moment she’d stopped practicing her subservience, she fell out of practice. Maybe that’s why she was here right now. Maybe she needed Lizzie to teach her how to fall behind again.

Her pinky ached as she opened the door to her and Lizzie’s room.

“Jo!” Lizzie jumped out of bed and grinned. “You’re just in time! A new episode of The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City just dropped and I-”

“I need to tell you something,” Josie said, keeping her voice tight and short to avoid giving away her nervousness. When Lizzie’s face fell, she wished she could crawl under the covers and avoid this moment for the rest of her life.

“Oh my god, are you okay? Did something happen?” Lizzie’s eyes were wide with concern. Josie felt a pang of guilt in her chest.

“No, nothing’s wrong. I just…” Josie sighed and sat down on her bed. Lizzie followed suit, taking Josie’s hand in hers as she sat.

“It’s okay, Josie.”

“I don’t think it is,” Josie laughed, throat aching as she willed away the tears. “I’m going to tell you something and you’re going to be mad, but please promise me you won’t just leave as soon as I say it. It’s important and we need to talk about it.”

Lizzie let go of Josie’s hand and leaned away a little further. Her eyes darted to the door as if planning an escape route. Josie felt miserable.

“What is it?” Lizzie asked, voice lacking in the comfort and enthusiasm she’d had a moment ago. Josie took a deep, shaky breath.

“I’m seeing someone,” Josie stated. She couldn’t bring herself to add anything to the sentence. Lizzie stared at her for a moment, brows furrowed.

“Okay, and? How is that a problem?”

Josie knew the suspense was tearing Lizzie apart. She liked things to happen quickly with no preamble, wanted instant gratification from every moment. Lizzie was not a patient person, but Josie lacked that same directness. She couldn’t help but draw things out when they scared her. It was one of the most glaring flaws in their communication, and it didn’t seem to be giving them any leeway today.

“Because you don’t like her. At all.”

“Because I _don’t_ like her or because I _won’t_ like her?” Lizzie asked. Josie couldn’t tell if the misunderstanding was intentional or not.

“You already don’t,” Josie clarified, looking down at the ground. Lizzie’s intensity levels were rising. That scared Josie; she wasn’t used to being the object of that anger.

“Well, who is it? You can’t just say that to me and expect me to know what you mean! And who it is changes a _lot_ of things here, Josie. Like, a lot.”

“It’s Penelope Park,” Josie muttered as quietly as she could, hoping Lizzie would hear it. She didn’t.

“I seriously couldn’t hear a word of that, Josie.”

“It’s Penelope Park,” Josie said, her voice at a regular volume. Immediately afterward, she felt a stab of regret. Lizzie was silent and Josie couldn’t bring herself to look up and see the reaction. She wished that this silent moment before the eruption could go on forever. It didn’t.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Lizzie laughed, bitter and venomous and so similar to Penelope’s when she got mad. Josie understood that they were still entirely different beasts in the force of their anger. She tried to wipe the similarities from her mind.

“I’m sorry, Lizzie,” Josie whispered, unable to hide her tears anymore.

“ _You’re_ sorry? If you’re so sorry, then just break up with her! It’s not that hard! How long have you even been together? Like a week? Just end it now!” Lizzie was standing and pacing now, manic energy radiating off of her. Josie closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“I dated her a couple years ago too,” Josie muttered, trying to at least be honest if this whole thing was going to hell anyway.

“When?” Lizzie asked, ceasing her walk. She stared straight at Josie and when Josie looked up, the betrayal in her sister’s eyes brought a fresh flood of tears.

“After I met her at that party. It wasn’t supposed to happen and I tried to be loyal to you and not do anything, but it didn’t matter. I was with her anyways and that’s just how it was.”

“So when you were gone all the time, you were with her?” Lizzie asked, voice small. Josie nodded. “And you just kept it from me the whole time?”

“Yes, I did. I wish I hadn’t,” Josie added, hoping it would soften the blow.

“Okay, fine! Sure!” Lizzie’s brief moment of calm was clearly over. “You hid an entire secret relationship you were having with some heinous bitch from me. Sure, yeah! I’ll run with that! But then why would you do it _again_? I mean, clearly there was a reason you broke up in the first place. So you betrayed me _twice_ , Josie! You lied to me for so long and now you’re just lying to me again! And you’re choosing _her_ over me?”

“I’m not choosing anyone over anyone, Lizzie!” Josie exclaimed, a sudden burst of courage spurring her on. “I already chose you over her once. That’s why we broke up in the first place! So yeah, sure, I lied to you again and I am _sorry_ , Lizzie. You have no idea how sorry I am. But you don’t understand what these rules you set up for people do to them.

“I feel like I can’t breathe sometimes, Lizzie. You and dad and everyone expect so much from me. I’ve always had to be the responsible one, all along. I never got to have anything for myself. And I’m fine with that because you’ve always needed more than me and I would give you anything in the world. I love you and you know that. But I need the freedom to choose _something_ , Lizzie.”

“Okay, fine then! Go out and choose someone! Choose _literally anyone else_. I mean, are you just doing this to spite me? Is this just some big revenge scheme?”

“I’m not going to choose anyone else, Lizzie! I lo-” Josie cut herself off and cleared her throat. “I really, really like Penelope. This isn’t about you or getting revenge or hurting you or anything like that. I mean, do you really think that I would do that to you?”

“I don’t know anymore! If you could lie to me for _literal fucking years,_ then I don’t know!” Lizzie's voice cracked at the end, breaking off into a sob. She stood with her back against the wall and slid down onto the floor gracelessly, heaves racking her frame.

Josie sat still as Lizzie sobbed on the floor, trying to decide what to do. She’d expected anger from Lizzie, maybe storming out and door slamming. The weeping on the floor… Josie hadn’t prepared for that bit. She’d expected anger, not heartbreak. The only sound in the room was Lizzie’s gasps for air. Josie closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths before standing. She walked over to Lizzie and sat down in front of her. Josie waited a moment before saying anything, trying to clear her head.

“Lizzie, I shouldn’t have lied. I admit that,” Josie said in the most soothing voice she could muster. “I really like Penelope. I’m telling you now because I need you to know. She’s important to me and you’re important to me too. I didn’t tell you sooner because I was scared that you’d hate me for it.”

Lizzie laughed a little between sniffles. “I could never _hate you_ , hate you, Jo.”

Josie took this to mean she could get a little closer. She scooched forward and sat next to her against the wall. When she put her arm around Lizzie, Josie could feel her shaking.

“I know, Lizzie. But I don’t want you to hate her either. If you hate her, and you hate her and I being together, then it feels a lot like you hating me. I just want to be happy, and she makes me happy,” Josie said, leaning her head on Lizzie’s shoulder.

“I still hate her and I’m still pissed at you, too,” Lizzie grumbled. Josie nodded even though Lizzie couldn’t see it.

“Will it get better someday?”

“I hope so because I feel pretty fucking awful right now,” Lizzie gave a weak laugh.

Josie didn’t know what else to say, so she stayed silent. For a few more minutes, they sat like that. Lizzie still wiped tears from her face once in a while, but she stopped shaking. Josie considered that as close to a win as she’d get today.

“Do you remember when we were little and I’d watch you sleep sometimes?” Lizzie asked, voice muffled and rough from crying.

“Yeah, of course.”

“Sometimes, when I love someone, they die in my head. It’s like they don’t exist unless they’re right there in front of me. It hurts like they’re really dead, too. When I’m alone, I’m so scared. I feel like no one exists unless they’re right there with me. When they’re gone, it’s like they’re really gone forever and I’m just alone in the world. I’ve felt that way ever since I was little. I still do it sometimes, when you’re here and I’m having a bad night. I need to make sure you’re not gone forever because I’m just a big, dumb little kid on the inside still. I feel like you’re growing up without me. I don’t think I’m ever gonna grow up. Not all the way.”

“Being a grownup is overrated,” Josie chuckled, hugging her sister closer. She wiped a few tears off of her own face and sniffled. “I’m not gonna leave you, either. I promise, Lizzie.”

“If I said no to you being with Penelope, then would you leave me?” Lizzie asked softly.

“It’s not your decision to make, Lizzie.”

“But what if you had to pick between the two of us? You would choose me, right?” Lizzie looked up at Josie, mascara all over her face. Josie didn’t know how to answer that question and Lizzie must have sensed it because she stood up in one swift movement. “I need to go think.”

With that, Lizzie slammed the door and disappeared, leaving Josie alone on the floor. The wood was cold beneath her and when she tried to stand, she noticed her legs were asleep. She sighed and went still as they woke up, trying to minimize the discomfort. Her phone buzzed across the room.

Josie’s pinky ached as she pulled herself up off of the floor. The sun was almost set outside, tiny flakes of snow obscuring the view. She considered calling Penelope and asking her to come over but decided against it.

In this moment, Josie knew she needed to be alone. There was value in her loneliness. She felt like that little girl, holed up in her room and watching everyone else have fun. Maybe that was right. Maybe Josie needed to learn how it felt to sleep alone and conjure up the faces of loved ones in her mind. Maybe Josie needed to learn how to keep people alive in her head, where the world couldn’t touch them. Maybe Josie needed to learn how to accept the silence her words could bring.

Maybe silence wasn’t such a bad thing, so long as its cause was just.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was such an emotional rollercoaster, but i guess it had to be to do this big moment justice. i admit i'm not a huge lizzie fan, but she reminds me a lot of a few people i've known who i love, so i appreciate her in that sense. this chapter was inspired by them (minus lizzie's standard suckiness, which i forgive her for). i think this is the heaviest angst chapter yet, but it's also one of my favorites so far so i hope y'all enjoyed it too!! i love josie so much and wanted to let her stand up for herself without compromising her love and caring for lizzie.
> 
> as always, thank you all so much for reading! we're really nearing the end now, so i hope you're all still enjoying this ride!! thank you folks so much for your always wonderful feedback, and i'll see you in the next chapter <3


	14. ➵ penelope park

It had been one day since the big reveal when Penelope saw Josie again. She was proud of herself for not feeling any anger or jealousy over Josie not giving her an update until 14 hours after the talk. If Penelope were a bit younger, she'd have taken the isolation as a sign that she wasn't wanted or cared for. Now she understood that it didn't detract from Josie's fondness for her; if anything, the separation enhanced it.

Lizzie was still giving her the silent treatment, but Josie seemed to think that it would work out. Penelope couldn't tell if that was the truth, willful ignorance, or misguided optimism, but took her word for it anyways. When the situation arose, they'd deal with it. That was good enough for the time being.

Penelope brought a bottle of wine when Josie called her over to celebrate the achievement of telling Lizzie. She didn't pry; Penelope wanted to give Josie time to process and talk about it when she was ready. Josie seemed relieved to not have to go into it and, when Penelope handed her the bottle, she popped the cork right away.

Despite Josie being the one to open the bottle, Penelope ended up drinking most of it. An hour later, the wine was gone and she was leaning on Josie for support.

"You're so great," she muttered into Josie's shoulder. Penelope felt the laugh Josie gave more than she heard it.

"I couldn't hear a word of that," Josie slurred, which sent Penelope into a fit of laughter. She doubled over, laying on Josie's lap as she tried to recover.

“I said you’re great!” Penelope almost yelled, unable to control her drunken volume. Josie shushed her in between laughs.

Penelope hadn’t been happy drunk in a long while. In that moment, drunk and laughing with Josie (her _girlfriend,_ Josie) Penelope was content with life.

\---

“What are we going to do if this doesn’t work out?” Penelope whispered, almost sober and staring up at the ceiling in the dim light. The lamp on Josie’s dresser was on, casting a soft orange glow from across the room. Penelope’s eyes had adjusted as best they could to the light and she watched the shapes above her shift as the bulb flickered. The blankets on Josie’s bed were soft and thick, a comforting weight over them. Josie moved closer to Penelope, laying her head in the space between her neck and shoulder. Her hair tickled Penelope’s throat, long wisps covering her chest. She felt steady, warm breaths on her skin.

“I have no idea,” Josie admitted softly as Penelope wrapped an arm around her.

“We aren’t making a mistake, right?” Penelope asked. Something about the dark let her say the things she normally would have kept inside. The warm air felt as though it would keep the words hidden. The day would never have to hear it. This was their own little world, safe and dim. Penelope wished she could stay in it forever.

“Do you remember when we agreed that we would find each other again in another life? That we’d find a way to make it work then?” Josie asked after a moment. Penelope nodded.

“This is that new life,” Josie whispered. “If we mess it up too bad here, there’s always next time. We’ll find our way back, I think.”

Penelope smiled and closed her eyes, resting her chin on top of Josie’s head.

“As many lives as it takes, okay?” Penelope asked, pressing a kiss to her head.

“As many lives as it takes,” Josie agreed. They drifted to sleep in each other’s arms, safe and warm and soft as they needed to be.

\---

When Penelope woke up, the sun was just starting to rise outside. The soft lavender glow of the sun through grey clouds, the city still asleep, shone in through the window. The lamp on the dresser still flickered, making the room look like the sunrise that would be coming soon. Penelope shifted in place, taking a deep breath as she stretched her legs. Josie did the same motions in sync.

“Did you just wake up too?” Penelope muttered, feeling Josie’s nod in reply. “I can’t believe we mind-melded in our sleep. Now we definitely can’t get rid of each other.”

Josie gave a sleepy chuckle and sat up on her elbow, covering her mouth as she yawned. She grabbed her phone off of the bedside table, squinting as the screen came on.

“We only slept for half an hour,” Josie said, setting the phone back down. Penelope groaned.

“Jesus. Thank god it’s Saturday,” Penelope sat up in the bed, covering herself with the blanket as much as possible. She shivered slightly, freezing despite how warm the room was. Josie scooted closer to her, sitting up all the way. 

"Woah,” Penelope said, voice rough and throaty. God, she needed some water. “I just realized something.”

"What?" Josie asked, rubbing her eyes. Her mascara was smudged, making her look like she hadn't slept in days. Penelope smiled and reached over, combing through a tangle in Josie's hair.

"We can be seen together in public now."

"Oh my gosh, you're right!" Josie stood up with surprising speed for someone who'd seemed so exhausted a second ago. Penelope felt like she wasn't understanding something and gave Josie a confused look.

"Come on, let's go get coffee! In _public_!" Josie enthused. Penelope hadn't thought she'd get this excited about it, but she obliged anyways.

"Okay, but we're definitely not driving," Penelope said as she stretched.

"That's fair. Good thinking." Josie said, radiating excitement. It was clearly contagious, because when Penelope stood she didn't hesitate or stretch any further. She pulled her shoes on and started tying them.

"You might wanna, uh," Penelope gestured at her eyes.

"Got it," Josie said, darting into the bathroom. Penelope heard the sink running and rubbed her eyes, expecting them to be just as messy. To her surprise, they seemed clean. In the little trash can by Josie's bed, a makeup wipe sat on top of the pile. It was caked in black and tan. Josie came back into the room, eyes clean and lashes coated in fresh mascara.

"Did I clean my face off at some point?" Penelope asked, gesturing towards the trash. Josie looked over at it and blushed.

"You fell asleep before me and I knew you wouldn't want to be all raccoon-y when you woke up, so I just...wiped it off for you while you were out," Josie shrugged, cheeks still red.

"Thank you," Penelope smiled. It was a small gesture, but it made her chest feel light and warm. It was intimate in a way she had never experienced. Penelope could picture it in her mind, the slow, tender movements as Josie tried not to wake her.

Josie just nodded and put her coat on, smoothing her hands over the fabric. Penelope grinned and put hers on as well before opening the door.

"After you, m'lady."

"And they say chivalry is dead," Josie laughed, stepping out of the room.

\---

"I know I want to work. I just don't know what I want to do,” Josie said, cold hand in Penelope’s as they made their way down the sidewalk.

"You _want_ to burn through that trust fund,” Penelope laughed as she sidestepped a chunk of ice on the concrete. A thin layer of snow covered everything around them, reflecting the pink light of the sunrise.

"I do not! It's called a trust fund because I am being _trusted_ to make the right decisions with the money."

"The fuck-ton of money,” Penelope added as they made their way up to a crosswalk. She pressed the crossing button with her knuckle even though there were no cars around. Penelope knew that Josie didn’t like crossing without the green signal. It was one of many strange Josie-isms she’d learned over their time together.

"It's not a- a-" Josie cut herself off, as if unable to say the words. "It's not _that_ much money."

"I'm pretty sure your purse is worth more than all of my organs on the black market combined,” Penelope said, looking at Josie directly. “It's a lot of money, JoJo."

They got the signal to go and continued down the street, Josie quiet for a moment. Penelope worried for a second that she’d offended her before Josie sighed dramatically.

"Okay, yeah, I guess it is sort of a lot,” she conceded. “I don't plan on using it all up, though! I'm going to find some job I want and keep growing my interest in savings. I just need to decide what I'm going to do to make that happen."

Penelope laughed, envying the ability to be indecisive about financial plans. "Y'know, when I first met you I really thought you were _that bitch_ . Like, everything figured out, 5 year plans galore, a schedule for small talk; the whole nine yards. I mean, you wear makeup to _gas stations_ , for God's sake! I expected more structure from you.”

"Am I a disappointment then?” Josie asked, a smile in her voice. Penelope cringed at the words before Josie added, “At least in that regard?"

" _Pfft,_ no way. I like the real you more, actually. It makes you seem more human, less excessively pretty overachieving robot."

Although she couldn’t tell for sure whether it was the cold or a blush, Josie’s cheeks seemed to get redder. Penelope laughed and Josie looked away, embarrassed.

"Dude, we've dated off and on for so long! How are you still surprised when I call you pretty?"

"It's just nice to hear,” Josie shrugged, voice small.

"Well then, I'll make sure to say it until it gets old." The café was in sight, a few cars parked in front. The smell of coffee made Penelope’s mouth water.

"I don't think that day will ever come,” Josie laughed.

"Wear out the compliments or die tryin', as they say,” Penelope smiled, punctuating her sentence with a squeeze of Josie’s hand.

"I don't think anyone in the history of mankind has ever said that, actually,” Josie retorted as they neared the steps. Penelope grabbed the railing, careful not to slip on the steps.

"Shut up." After a moment Penelope added, "Pretty."

\---

The windows inside of the café were foggy with condensation. Josie drew a little smiley face on it, so Penelope leaned over and added a heart next to it. She swore she could hear the other patrons gagging at the display of affection. Penelope couldn't bring herself to care as Josie grinned at her.

They sat near the door at a corner table, watching as the city woke up outside. When their drinks were ready, Penelope stood and grabbed both of them. Josie made a concerned face from their table as Penelope walked over, balancing both full cups on their little plates. She made it without spilling a single drop of coffee; all of the hours waitressing had finally paid off. Josie seemed impressed by the display and Penelope was just glad she’d be getting her money’s worth of the expensive coffee. (Okay, technically Josie had paid for it, but she didn't want to waste Josie’s money either.)

The drinks were good, but Penelope didn’t think they were “$7 a cup plus tips” good. Josie seemed to disagree, drinking her cup down at record speed. Her hands shook a little as she set the cup back down.

“You good?” Penelope asked, gesturing at her hands. “Do you need to eat something?”

“I love you,” Josie blurted out, eyes going wide the second she finished her sentence. Penelope froze as she tried to process the words. The indie song on the speakers had ended just a moment before Josie had spoken. When Penelope glanced to her side, she noticed other customers were looking at them. A new song came on and everyone returned to their conversations, but Penelope saw a few people glance back at them.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry,” Josie said, covering her mouth as if she’d just said something horrible. Maybe she thought she had. “I don’t know why I said that, I didn’t even mean to, that was so dumb, forget that ever happ-”

“I love you too,” Penelope interjected, cutting off Josie’s babbling. Her eyes got even wider, a look of disbelief.

“Are you sure?” Josie asked. That caught Penelope off guard and she laughed suddenly, making Josie look even more concerned.

“Who asks that?” Penelope said through her laughter. Josie cringed in her seat, putting her face in her hands. “Of course I’m sure, you dork. I wouldn’t say that for nothing. I mean it.”

Penelope hadn’t actually been sure until the words had come out of her mouth. She must have known, somewhere deep inside, but not confronted the feeling yet. Maybe she pushed it down, fearing that things might go wrong again. In that moment though, she wasn’t afraid of Josie hurting her. She wasn’t afraid of giving that love over in the most official way she could. The reply had been automatic, instinctual, not a thought to it. Penelope did love Josie. She knew it now, without a doubt in her mind. She loved her, and Josie loved her back.

“I’ve never said that to anyone before. You know, in a romance way,” Penelope said when Josie didn’t fill the silence. “I mean it though. I really do love you.”

“I’ve said it before,” Josie admitted. The words hit Penelope hard, feeling like an unnecessary kick in the stomach after that moment of vulnerability. Josie must have realized what that sounded like, because she quickly added, “But I don’t think I’ve ever meant it. I mean, I _thought_ I meant it at the time. It’s so bizarre; you go through life thinking you know what love feels like, but you have no idea. Everything you thought was the real deal is just a crush or infatuation or something like that. You don’t realize how wrong you are about love until you really feel it. Like, _really_ feel it. 

“Then it isn’t anything like you thought. I mean, a crush is nothing in comparison! It’s like the tiniest little sample of love. Then, when you finally get the real thing, it’s terrifying! Seriously, it is so, so scary to feel that much for someone. It’s every emotion at once and it’s the most fantastic, horrifying thing in the world and it _hurts._ That’s how I feel about you, Penelope. I love you so much that it hurts sometimes.”

Josie looked like she was about to cry, so Penelope reached her hand across the table and intertwined their fingers. Her hands were still freezing even after holding the mug. Penelope tried to channel all of her body heat into her fingers in the hopes of warming Josie up. She wasn’t sure if it worked or not, but Josie gestured for her other hand anyways. Their arms rested on the table, tangled together, and Penelope didn’t care how silly they looked.

“I can’t follow that up,” Penelope smiled, shaking her head. When Josie laughed, Penelope was pretty sure that it was the greatest sound she’d ever heard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter was a little late; finals are coming up, so school has been crazy. it's here now, though!!
> 
> i really hope you enjoyed this chapter!! it's the fluffiest yet, so i hope that it went over well and was a sufficient amount of soft to make up for the angst so far <3 the next chapter is the big finale; we're almost there, folks! it's so strange to think that this story is almost over. definitely very bittersweet :')
> 
> so i have something to ask: are there any posie moments you've always wanted to see in a fic? any cute scenarios you imagine for these two? if so, PLEASE throw them at me and i'll include them in the finale chapter!! i want to let you folks be a part of the fic in a way because you've all been such great supports. don't worry about judgement for your idea; if it doesn't fully work with what i'm writing, i'll still find a way to incorporate it. if you think of anything, comment it below!! and if you don't have any ideas, don't worry; i'm still so thankful for your support. y'all are amazing <3


	15. PT. III ➵ finale (near is just as far away as far)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PT. III - all i ever wanted (it's always you)  
>  _↳ the rest of time._
> 
> (title for the chapter taken from "[(manifest)](https://youtu.be/x384mhNoEWE)" by the weakerthans)

"Is there a reason why you brought _her_ here?" Lizzie asked, glaring sharply at Penelope from across the table. Penelope made a face at her.

“Because I love both of you-" Josie was interrupted by a loud scoff from Lizzie. She elected to ignore it. "-And want to be around both of you at the same time."

"Okay, but _I_ don't love her, so I don't get why I need to be here. Can't you two go be in love somewhere else?" Lizzie groaned.

"I don't want to be around you either, Lizzie. And yet, here we are! At a restaurant! Eating food together!" Penelope laughed, holding up her fork and twirling the spaghetti on it in a bizarre gesture. Josie couldn't figure it out, but somehow Lizzie took offense to it.

"God, do you have _zero_ manners?" Lizzie said, raising her voice a little. Josie felt thoroughly out of the loop as Penelope made yet another face. “Jesus Christ, Josie! What do you see in her?”

A few heads turned their way in the restaurant and Josie cringed at the sudden attention on her.

“I see _plenty_ in her, Lizzie. Please don’t insult my girlfriend right in front of me,” Josie said, trying to keep her voice even.

“Yeah Lizzie _,_ quit insulting me,” Penelope said with a smirk, looking all too proud of herself. Josie turned to face her.

“And _you_ stop acting like that too!” Josie snapped at her. Penelope’s eyes widened and she put her hands up in innocence, trying and failing to contain her smile.

“You sound like dad right now,” Lizzie commented, leaning back in her seat.

“She does sound like your dad,” Penelope laughed. Lizzie smiled at Penelope, something Josie had never seen, and nodded her head in agreement.

Josie sighed and put her head in her hands as Penelope and Lizzie laughed. Once again, she felt out of the loop.

❀

"What if I trip and fall and everyone laughs at me?" Josie said, frantically tousling her waves in the mirror. Her hands shook as she adjusted her graduation cap.

“Josie, you’re gonna be fine. You just have to walk out there, give your speech, take your diploma, and walk away. It’ll be over before you know it,” Penelope reassured, putting a hand on Josie’s shoulder. She sighed at the touch and took a deep breath before turning to face Penelope.

“Why am I this freaked out right now?”

“I don’t know!” Penelope laughed. “Take that one up with your therapist. Craig will know better than me.”

“Doubtful,” Josie said with a smile. Out on the stage, someone was tapping the mic. “Oh gosh, it’s almost time.”

“You’re gonna do great, Jojo. I promise,” Penelope said, pulling her in for a hug. She could feel Josie’s heart pounding against her chest and squeezed a little tighter.

_“And now, please welcome your valedictorian, Ms. Josette Saltzman!”_

Josie pulled away, looking horrified. Penelope rolled her eyes and gestured for her to go, grinning. As Josie walked away, heels clacking on the stage, Penelope took a deep breath and tried to calm the nervous flutter in her chest. She knew Josie would do great, but her anxiety had rubbed off on Penelope. She figured that was just another part of love; feeling what your person felt, even when it was ridiculous. Penelope didn’t mind feeling ridiculous for Josie.

❀

“From me to you,” Penelope said with a forced smile. Lizzie took the package from her hands and shook it gently, trying to make sure it didn’t contain a bomb or a feral raccoon. In her peripheral vision, she saw Penelope roll her eyes. “Come on, just open it. You’ll live.”

Lizzie decided not to deign that comment with a reply. She huffed and untied the pink ribbon around the box with care, letting it fall to the side. She took a deep breath before removing the lid. After pushing aside the tissue paper, the gift was in sight. She took it out of the box and realized-

“It’s that jacket of yours that I apparently _ruined,_ ” Penelope mocked. Josie elbowed her in the side and she cleared her throat. “I mean, obviously it’s not the exact same one because that one’s probably in a landfill somewhere, but it’s as close as I could get.”

And it was. The shade was the same, as was the cut and the material. It was _exactly_ the same and Lizzie couldn’t believe it. She’d tried so hard to find another one and now here it was, right in front of her. But she still didn’t understand-

“How did you afford this?” Lizzie asked, voice curt and tight. Penelope laughed in a not entirely kind tone.

“Okay, fine. It’s a gift partially from me, and mostly from Josie’s bank account.”

Lizzie opened her mouth to say something before shaking her head and sighing. After a few moments, she turned to Penelope.

"Thank you," Lizzie muttered and she put the coat down.

"You're very welcome," Penelope nodded genially. Lizzie looked down at the coat and felt a warmth that she would never admit to unfurl in her chest. She coughed into her arm to hide a smile and looked back at Penelope, glare icy as ever.

“Next present, please.”

❀

“No way, that one is hideous!” Penelope laughed. Josie stared at her with genuine offense. “Come on, you cannot seriously be suggesting that.”

“Of course I am! Look at the columns, Penelope. They’re gorgeous,” Josie insisted, pointing at the screen.

“Okay, sure, the columns are nice. But scroll back to the picture of the dining room.”

“I don’t see what’s wrong with it!”

“Josie, look at that floor plan. It’s horrible! No human being on this planet needs that many archways in one room.”

“You could always get someone to knock the walls down and turn it into an open floor plan,” Josie suggested, balancing the laptop in one hand as she pulled the blanket up. Penelope leaned her head on Josie’s shoulder.

“Yeah, but the house already costs $800,000. Why would you pay anywhere near that for something that isn’t even done yet?”

“You said price didn’t matter!” Josie said, voice high and scandalized. It made Penelope start laughing again. “That’s it,” Josie muttered, closing the laptop. “I’m never fantasy house shopping with you again.”

“Will you still real-life house shop with me someday?”

“Nope,” Josie said, putting an arm around Penelope. “We’re going to move into a storage unit and forage for berries in the woods.”

“I’m not opposed to that.”

“Of course you aren’t,” Josie huffed, but she wasn’t able to contain a small laugh. Penelope felt like the winner.

❀

Josie leaned forward and kissed Penelope softly, tangling a hand in her hair. They had finally found somewhere quiet in the mess of MG’s graduation party to be alone for a minute. MG’s parents had given him the mansion for the night as a show of their pride in his achievements. She figured that they would soon regret it, given how much of a rager his party had turned into.

At long last though, she was able to get away from all of the noise and just be alone with Penelope for a minute. She hadn’t prepared herself for such a huge party and was starting to wish she hadn’t turned up at all. It wasn’t as if she wasn’t happy for MG or didn’t want to celebrate his achievements, but she wasn’t exactly amped about the sheer volume and drunkenness surrounding her. Josie felt like she was turning into an old lady.

“Hey, are you doing okay?” Penelope whispered, breaking the kiss for a moment to press their foreheads together.

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just...noisy out there. I haven’t been to a party in forever. I forgot how _loud_ they are,” Josie complained. Penelope laughed and kissed her again.

“What are you, 90?” Penelope muttered. Josie faked offense and pulled away, putting a hand to her chest.

“How dare you? I’ll have you know I’m 86 and feeling young as ever.”

“Shut up,” Penelope laughed, pulling her in for another kiss. Josie sighed into it and leaned a little closer, pressing the two of them together even more. Penelope leaned back a bit on the couch, allowing Josie to lean over her as she deepened the kiss further. Josie gave a soft groan, almost unnoticeable, as she-

“Hey, what are-” MG said as he walked in. He immediately froze in place, still holding onto the door with one hand.

Josie pulled away and sat up straight, staring down at the floor. She could feel the blood rushing to her cheeks, face hot in embarrassment.

“Hey MG,” Penelope said, looking casual as ever on the sofa. She didn’t move off of her elbow as she turned to face him. “How’s the party going?”

“Do you really have to do that in _my_ sunroom?” MG groaned, turning away. Josie felt like she could sink into the earth, right then and there. She didn’t think she would mind much, either. Gosh, she could _feel_ how bright red her face was.

“Hey, you’re just jealous that you don’t have a girlfriend to be in here with instead,” Penelope called out as he turned to leave. Josie tried to astral project her way out of the situation to no avail. Instead, she buried her head in her hands, peeking out between her fingers at MG. 

“Am not!” he answered a little too quickly, voice cracking. He opened his mouth as if to add something else before closing it and leaving. As soon as he was gone, Penelope broke into a fit of laughter. Josie just cringed harder.

❀

“Do you wanna have kids someday?” Josie asked one night, drunk and curled up next to Penelope in her bed.

“With you or in general?” Penelope slurred, half-asleep. Josie chuckled at that.

“I mean, I’d certainly hope to be involved if you did.”

“I never used to think I wanted to,” Penelope yawned. “But I think I do now. It might be nice. Just some tiny humans to hang out with and take care of and shit.”

“Spoken like a true mother-to-be,” Josie said with a smirk, closing her eyes. 

“What name would you pick for a boy, if we got to name him and everything?” Penelope muttered. Josie thought long and hard about it; so long, in fact, that she was pretty sure Penelope wasn’t even awake anymore. She decided to throw the name out there anyway. It only seemed right that she should.

“I like Percy,” Josie whispered. Had it not been for the tiny smile Josie felt next to her, she would have thought that Penelope hadn’t heard her.

❀

“Yay! You’re just in time. The newest episode of-” Lizzie cut herself off as Penelope walked into the room behind Josie. “Hi, Penelope,” she sighed, trying to be polite.

“Hi, Lizzie,” Penelope returned with equal enthusiasm. Lizzie elected to ignore it. 

God, why did Josie _insist_ on bringing her to their Sunday family days? Sure, she only brought Penelope once a month, but as far as Lizzie was concerned that was _way_ too often for someone who wasn’t even in their family!

Okay, yeah, so Lizzie brought boyfriends sometimes who she’d only been going out with for a few days, but that was totally different! At least there was a _chance_ they’d be a part of the family someday! It’s not like Josie and Penelope would ever...

“As I was saying,” Lizzie cleared her throat, pushing the thought from her mind. “The newest episode of ‘I Wanna Marry a Millionaire: Melbourne’ is gonna be on in five minutes and I made popcorn!”

“Lizzie, I’m sorry but I really don’t want to-”

“Wait, you watch IWMM?” Penelope asked. Josie looked surprised at the interruption, but her expression gave way to a knowing smile as made her way to the kitchen.

“Duh,” Lizzie said, deeply uncomfortable at the prospect of being left alone in a room with Penelope. “Why?”

“Isn’t Ned the worst?” Penelope asked, venturing a little closer to Lizzie.

“Yes, oh my god!” Lizzie enthused, unable to hide the excitement in her reply. “It’s like, why are all of these girls vying for _him_?”

“Right? He’s such an asshole! I mean, the way he treated Kimberly on the Blindfold Art Challenge date was seriously atrocious.”

“I said the same thing!” Lizzie gasped before shutting her mouth. She squinted at Penelope, trying to figure out what her next move should be. Her options were pretty clear: hang out with her sworn enemy for an hour or watch the mid-season finale alone. Now she just needed to decide the lesser of two evils.

“Do you want some popcorn?” she asked after a moment, scooting over on the couch. Penelope grinned and sat down, taking a handful from the bowl.

“I would love some.”

❀

Josie had been gone for four hours and Penelope was starting to get suspicious. There was still plenty to unpack in their new apartment, which Penelope had found Josie somehow loved to do. She was borderline obsessed with arranging all of their belongings in a way that was both functional and aesthetically pleasing. Since they’d officially moved in the day before, Josie had done nothing _but_ unpack and rearrange and tidy. 

It wasn’t like Penelope minded, though; she was never one for organizing, so having someone who loved to do it was fine by her. In the meantime, she took care of all of their online affairs and setting up accounts for utilities. Moving into her own apartment wasn’t as exciting as Penelope had always dreamed, but she didn’t care. Just being with Josie was exciting in and of itself. And yet, something felt _off._

That afternoon, Josie had said nothing except that she needed to pick something up from the store and that she’d be back soon. Normally, Josie was the type to send Penelope a list of everything she had planned for the day, even when it had nothing to do with her. Penelope wasn’t worried by the lack of communication so much as she was confused.

Finally, half an hour later, Josie returned.

“Hey,” Penelope said over her shoulder when she heard the door open. She didn’t look up from her computer right away, busy completing some form on the electric company’s site. “What’s up?”

“Don’t turn around,” Josie said, and Penelope had to fight every instinct in her not to do just that. She kept her eyes fixed on the computer but her hands stopped moving.

“Okayyy,” Penelope said, trailing off. “Why?”

“Because I got you a present and I need you to wait a second so I can get it ready,” Josie replied, rustling something around behind her. Penelope _really_ wanted to turn around now.

“Tell me when I can look,” Penelope insisted, although it didn’t really need to be said. She just wanted to fill the air with something to calm her excitement.

“I will! Just hang on a second,” Josie laughed. After a few more seconds of nondescript noises, she heard Josie clear her throat. “Okay, you can turn around now.”

When Penelope spun around in the chair, she was greeted by the sight of a huge, adorable, fluffy monster of a cat. It looked almost too big for Josie to hold, its long grey tail flicking around the edge of her skirt. The cat glanced around the room, eyes half shut, looking nonplussed by the whole situation.

Penelope loved it already.

“Oh my God,” she laughed, springing up from her seat. She ran over to Josie, who transferred it into her arms. It was no wonder Josie had looked so uncomfortable holding it; this cat was _heavy._

“This is Gabe,” Josie grinned, scratching his head as Penelope struggled to hold him up. In her arms, she could feel him purring. He made little sounds through his nose with each breath as the purrs increased in volume. Penelope felt like she was about to cry. “He’s eight years old, a Maine Coon mix, already neutered and vaccinated, and is now ours.”

“Josie,” Penelope said, taking in a shaky breath. “I don’t think I’ve ever loved a creature on earth more than I love Gabe right now.”

Josie laughed and gave Gabe a long pet that made his back arch up. He gave a deep, scratchy meow when she stopped the pets and reached a big paw out to pull her back in. Penelope tutted and pressed a kiss to his head.

“I’d say I was hurt by that if I didn’t feel exactly the same way,” Josie said with a nod.

They stood like that a moment longer, both petting their new son Gabe. Penelope couldn’t believe her luck.

❀

“It’s gonna be fine, Penelope. Seriously, think about how long you’ve been planning this for. You have it all worked out. Now you just need to do it,” MG said, hands on Penelope’s shoulders.

-

_“Josie, she would be such an idiot to say no. I mean, come on. Have you seen yourself?” Lizzie said, gesturing up and down. “You look perfect.”_

-

“Besides, you already threw this huge thing for her. She at least has to stay for that, even if we are in some parallel, Bizarro universe where she’s gonna say no.” After a moment of silence, MG added, “Not helping, huh?”

-

_“Plus, she lives to drink our money! Don’t you think she’ll at least want to stay for that, no matter what?” Lizzie rolled her eyes when Josie didn’t reply. “Okay, fine, a little too mean. Whatever.”_

-

“Don’t you think she’s gonna be suspicious though? I mean, inviting her to this whole huge thing with no excuse? She has to be wondering by now, right?” Penelope asked.

“I wouldn’t worry about that,” MG said with a smile.

-

_“Okay, but she definitely knows something is up by now. We never attend stuff like this, and now we’re both just here? Separated from one another? With no actual excuse for what this thing is?” Josie fretted, smoothing her dress out over and over again._

_“I doubt she’s even considered it,” Lizzie shrugged._

-

“So you have it, right? Like it’s in your pocket?” MG asked, shaking his hands to calm down a bit.

“Of course I do. Why are you more nervous about this than me?” Penelope questioned.

-

_“Okay, you have it in your purse, right?” Lizzie asked, gesturing down at the clutch in Josie’s hands._

_“Yeah. I checked about thirty times before leaving this morning, so I’m pretty sure it’s in there.”_

-

“Then we’re all set. So just go out there, walk to the center of the dance floor, and go for it.”

“Okay. Right. Just gonna walk out there and do it.” Penelope took one final deep breath before making her way out into the main room.

-

_“So now, it’s just like we rehearsed it. Walk out there, good posture, looking gorgeous, and go to the dance floor. It’ll be easy,” Lizzie said, glancing behind her. “And she’s already walking over to it, so it’s time.”_

_“Now?” Josie said, voice rife with nervousness._

_“Now,” Lizzie confirmed, giving her a quick hug before pushing her out into the dining area._

-

When Penelope saw Josie making her way over, the anxiety she was feeling melted. Josie looked perfect, as usual, and was coming over to exactly the right spot. All of the doubts in her mind faded as Josie stood in front of her, grinning.

“Hey,” Penelope said, voice shakier than she’d expected. Josie didn’t seem to notice.

“Hi,” Josie replied, her tone even more wobbly. All of the noise around them quieted. Penelope thought it was an illusion at first, but when she glanced away, everyone was actually looking at them. It made her shiver.

“So, uh, I should just…” Penelope cringed and shook her head. She gave up on trying to say something perfect for the moment and elected instead to sink down on one knee. Josie’s eyes went wide, but Penelope had been expecting that. Still, it made her hands a bit shakier as she rifled through her pocket and took out the black velvet box. With fumbling fingers, she opened it up and presented it to Josie.

“Will you marry me?” Penelope asked, shaking with nervous energy.

When Josie didn’t reply, everything in Penelope crumbled. She felt the deepest embarrassment she’d ever felt in her life but, more than anything, just wanted to tell Josie that it was okay if she said no. However, she couldn’t get her mouth to form words. All that came out was a little choked gasp.

Tears welled up in Josie’s eyes and Penelope was certain that this was the end of the line. She felt so _stupid_ for even trying this, especially given how young they were and how they’d only been together for a few years and they were both still working hard in school and-

And then Josie crouched down in front of her and got on one knee, pulling a box out of her purse.

“Will you marry _me_?” Josie laughed, tears streaming down her face. Penelope surged forward and kissed her, unable to stop laughs of her own from coming through.

“Of course I will! Oh my god, of course!” Penelope took the ring out of the box and slipped it on her finger. She tried to admire it because yeah, it was definitely pretty, but it was nowhere near as beautiful as the girl in front of her. Josie took her ring from Penelope and put it on, leaning forward to pull her into a hug. Over Josie’s shoulder, Penelope could see MG and Lizzie hopping together with joy.

“Oh my god, they set us up,” Penelope muttered into Josie’s ear. Josie turned and looked at them as well. As she did, they both noticed and tried to look away casually. Josie shook her head and grinned.

“That explains a lot,” Josie said, wiping some of the tears from her eyes.

“It was definitely my favorite set-up in my life. At least, thus far,” Penelope said, climbing to her feet. She extended a hand out to Josie and helped her do the same. When they were standing, they kissed again. Everyone in the hall was clapping and cheering. Penelope had a feeling they were in on it too. Over in the corner, she saw Josie’s mom and dad applauding loudly. She even saw a few tears on Rick’s face. Penelope pointed out as much to Josie, who laughed at the sight.

“I guess we should make our rounds then, huh?” Josie asked, exhaling shakily. Penelope reached down and squeezed her hand, feeling the unfamiliar ring between their fingers. She figured she could definitely get used to it.

“I guess we should,” Penelope nodded, leading her towards Lizzie and MG first. “So who is gonna take whose name?”

“What? Why not just do Saltzman-Park?”

“Why not do Park-Saltzman?” Penelope countered. Josie laughed at that and Penelope fake-huffed. “Don’t be contrary to me at _my_ engagement party, Jojo.”

“I will be as contrary as I please,” Josie said, pressing a kiss to Penelope’s cheek.

“God, some Hufflepuff you are.”

“And yet, you love me anyway.”

Penelope couldn’t argue with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE'VE MADE IT TO THE END! god, this was so bittersweet to have to finish up. i made sure to include all of the suggestions that were given to me last chapter. thank all of you so much for your support throughout this journey. you folks are all amazing and really inspired me to keep going <3
> 
> another huge thank you to my supporter who i mentioned in the first chapter, without whom this wouldn't have been possible. shout out to her!! :)
> 
> if you wanna check out the songs that inspired me while writing this fic, feel free to click [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLX2MbVSw_Cb12GQUeuhHo7zXEZmqQXJZS) for a youtube playlist with all of them! these songs always gave me inspiration and the motivation to keep writing (plus i love them all!) so check that out for more posie-esque content from me.
> 
> thank you all so much again, and i really, really, REALLY hope that you've enjoyed this fic and the ride that it has been <3


End file.
